IDGM 39

Chapter 39

“……!”

I was startled and looked at Lassa.

‘Does she know that I came back to life?’

Without much explanation, Lassa continued speaking.

“You must seize this opportunity with all your might. The gods want to fulfill their will through you.”

She wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes seemed fixed on some distant place.

Her voice was monotonous, like chanting a spell, quite different from when she talked with Brentian earlier.

“You have to believe in yourself. Don’t hesitate to do what you think is right.”

Only then did Lassa’s eyes clear up.

Unlike before, she now looked directly at me with a resolute, piercing gaze and spoke firmly.

“Stop relying on illusions. It might seem sweet for now, but it is never beneficial. It will only weaken you. You must cut off whatever keeps circling around you.”

“Illusions?”

I wanted to ask what that meant.

I couldn’t understand any of what she was saying.

She took my hand and placed it over my chest.

“You must discover what it is for yourself. No one can teach you.”

“I…I don’t really understand.”

Lassa scolded me gently, as if telling me not to sound weak.

“You must find out. You have to. To survive, you have to see everything clearly. And to do that, you must first become strong.”

I was confused.

Perhaps because I lost confidence without realizing it and lowered my gaze, Lassa grabbed my shoulder and shook me.

Her touch felt somewhat stern.

She frowned severely, as if telling me to pull myself together.

“You are dying.”

“What do you mean…?”

“You must not let death swallow you.”

People watching Lassa and me having a serious conversation became curious and kept peeking at us.

Lassa lowered her voice even more so others wouldn’t hear.

“I cannot tell you everything. But I can show you a clue. Remember my words.”

Then she sighed deeply and patted my shoulder.

“You’ve been through a lot. You’ve done well.”

Suddenly, her eyes reddened. She looked pitying.

Seeing that, even though I didn’t understand what she was saying, I felt choked up as well.

Lassa firmly held my hand once more, then stressed, “Don’t forget the clue I’m showing you.” She then got up and went beside the chief.

‘Clue?’

What exactly, how, and when was she going to show it?

I carefully observed Lassa’s actions.

Lamia whispered from beside me.

“What’s she saying?”

Another maid standing close to me looked curious too.

I shook my head.

“It’s nothing. She just congratulated me for coming here and gave me various blessings.”

Both of them tilted their heads as if bored by my answer.

I kept watching Lassa carefully, but the Lassa who promised to show something was busy chatting with Kallius beside the chief, as if nothing happened.

‘Did she forget?’

I thought it would be best to secretly find her later and ask for details.

The chief ordered his people to bring food to serve the guests.

Soon, baskets filled with lightly cooked mountain goat meat, meat soup, cheese made from mountain goat milk, and corn dough were prepared before us.

The tribe members hung a large pot of soup over the hearth to boil it, and simultaneously grilled skewered meat on the heat escaping beside the pot.

They spread the corn dough thinly on flat earthenware trays and baked them with charcoal taken from the hearth.

Even though I was still concerned about Lassa’s behavior, I busied myself watching the cooks with fascination.

‘So this is how food is made.’

I had never once been inside a kitchen before in my life.

I didn’t even know how to cook, and it was my first time seeing ingredients turn into dishes.

‘I thought soup was just water and meat mixed together.’

There were more ingredients in the soup than I thought.

‘What kind of powder are they adding?’

The cook kept putting various colored powders from small cloth pouches into the soup and sprinkling some onto the meat.

Sometimes they added leaves or herbs.

Each time, the aroma changed subtly.

Before Lassa and Kallius arrived, the chief explained about nomadic life to us.

Like he said, to live nomadically means owning few belongings; the Utar tribe had few dishes.

They brought all kinds of dishes from their respective kers (tribal tents) to share, but there weren’t enough.

Thanks to my group’s concession, I managed to hold a proper soup bowl, but not everyone could.

Some held cups instead of bowls; others used trays or pot lids as makeshift dishes.

The cooks generously served meat soup into the various dishes people brought.

‘They don’t have proper tableware.’

Holding my soup bowl, I waited for utensils to be distributed.

But they started eating with a meat skewer in one hand and the soup bowl in the other—without any utensils.

‘With bare hands…?’

Across from me, I saw Kallius smiling at my bewilderment.

He demonstrated once, as if telling me to try, but when I hesitated, he burst out laughing.

His teasing laugh made me determined.

‘I can do this too.’

I closed my eyes tightly and confidently bit the meat right off the skewer.

The heavily seasoned meat had a flavor and aroma I had never experienced before.

The texture on my hand felt very strange—hot, soft, and prickly from the sprinkled powder.

‘Eating meat with bare hands.’

Because I had been forced to eat less, I usually ate very little.

But this unfamiliar food and new way of eating doubled my usual intake.

Though unsettled by Lassa’s words, my appetite was vigorous. It was strange.

Just as I was biting into the meat heartily, the corn bread was ready.

‘It looks too flat and tough to be called bread.’

Lassa carried the basket of bread on her arm and handed it out herself.

“The meat is plenty, but bread is scarce. Since we don’t farm, it’s not easy for us to get grains.”

She broke the bread into sizes suitable for one person and handed one to most people sitting in a circle.

The basket of bread emptied quickly.

As expected, one person didn’t get any.

It was a knight named Andrew sitting next to Alex.

“There’s no bread for you.”

Lassa showed him the empty basket.

One tribe member tried to offer Andrew their own bread.

But Lassa quietly shook her head, stopping him.

“Everyone has their own share.”

Then she calmly told Andrew,

“Don’t covet bread that’s not yours.”

Andrew seemed unfairly treated for not getting bread when everyone else did, though he wasn’t greedy.

He smiled sheepishly and said he didn’t want the bread.

“I’m fine without it. The other food is enough.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Lassa nodded and returned to her place.

The meal continued leisurely.

Vanessa, who had run off earlier, sneaked back halfway through with her nose red and cold. She obviously had nowhere else to go.

The Utar tribe gladly shared meat soup and skewers with her too.

Vanessa pouted as if displeased by the lack of proper dishes.

When she realized she had to eat with bare hands, she frowned.

But remembering she had been embarrassed for complaining earlier, she quietly chewed and swallowed the food without saying much.

At that moment, I clearly saw Lassa order a tribe member to secretly pass Vanessa some of her corn bread.

‘Huh?’

Others seemed too busy eating to notice.

‘Earlier, she wouldn’t let the knights share, but now she’s giving bread to Vanessa.’

Lassa’s words and actions were full of contradictions I couldn’t understand.

Our eyes met.

She gave a strange smile as she glanced at the corn bread in Vanessa’s hand.

As if she had shown all she wanted to.

Night fell quickly on the Utar tribe.

As soon as the sunset ended, they assigned sleeping places and laid down under blankets made of animal skins.

Surprisingly, everyone in the group, men and women alike, had to sleep together in the chief’s ker.

‘All together?’

Bare-handed eating was manageable, but this made me uncomfortable.

I nervously looked at the spot prepared for me by the chief’s wife.

To my left were Lamia and the maids’ places, and to my right, Kallius and his subordinates.

Like sitting around the fire for a meal, the sleeping arrangement was similar.

‘Uncomfortable…!’

I awkwardly paced around, but Kallius motioned for me to lie down with a snap of his fingers.

“The leather blankets are quite soft and warm.”

“Y-yes…”

Reluctantly, I sat down.

What else could I do? I couldn’t ask for another ker or kick everyone out to have the wide ker all to myself.

When I sat down, the hesitant maids also sat stiffly.

We glanced at the knights preparing for bed, who had taken off their armor and only wore their underwear.

It was the first time I saw so many men in just underwear together, and my face flushed.

‘How can they be so nonchalant about it…’

Then Kallius lay down sideways and looked up at me.

“Will you keep ogling other men’s naked bodies with your new husband lying beside you?”