Chapter 15 — Trying to Ruin Her
Su Man frowned and said indignantly, “Don’t you know you’re a hundred times prettier than Princess Xiuning? What exactly does my brother even see in her? She was spoiled rotten growing up, can’t make pastries, can’t even stew soup properly—how is she better than you in any way?”
Xue Ning let out a faint, bitter laugh.
“I don’t know either. But loving someone never needs a reason… just like not loving someone doesn’t need an excuse.” She looked at Su Man gently. “So, Manman, don’t try to bring me and your brother together anymore. I don’t have any grand ambitions in this life. I only want to live peacefully and safely.”
Su Man’s eyes filled with sympathy.
“But my brother could give you that kind of happiness.”
That familiar sensation returned again—the feeling of flesh slowly being scorched by fire, creeping up her body little by little.
Xue Ning looked at Su Man for a long moment before replying quietly,
“He can’t.”
Not in this lifetime.
She would never again live those days of fear and constant dread.
…
After seeing Su Man off, Xue Ning took out all the sachets she had once embroidered for Su Zhan.
Some had long since been given away, only for him to toss them aside somewhere unknown.
Some he had never even glanced at.
They still lay untouched in her embroidery basket.
Only after Baochan carefully shut the door did she lower her voice and walk over to Xue Ning’s side.
The young lady had warned her there were spies from the other branches of the family in the courtyard, so Baochan didn’t dare speak loudly.
“Miss, Princess Xiuning talked with Fourth Miss for quite a while today before they parted. But their maids were nearby, so I couldn’t get close enough to hear what they were saying.”
Xue Ning’s expression remained calm as she picked up the sachets one by one.
Then she took a pair of scissors and cut them apart.
“Ah—Miss, what are you doing?”
Baochan hurried to stop her, only for Xue Ning to gently push her hand away.
“The workmanship is poor,” Xue Ning said lightly. “I’m cutting them up to burn them and make new ones later.”
“You scared me to death.”
Relieved, Baochan quickly went to fetch the brazier herself.
Without expression, Xue Ning tossed the shredded sachets into the fire.
The flames surged upward all at once.
Her lashes trembled as she instinctively shut her eyes.
Only after the fire weakened did she slowly open them again.
The burning scraps of cloth turned to ash before her eyes, and suddenly they looked just like the letters she had once written to Su Zhan—the ones she burned herself in the old Yongzhou residence before her death.
Once everything was burned clean, it would be as if nothing had ever happened.
A faint redness gathered around her eyes, yet an indescribable sense of relief spread quietly through her chest.
“Miss, they’re finally all burned up.” Baochan moved the brazier aside, then asked curiously, “Princess Xiuning has only just entered the residence. What could Fourth Miss possibly have to say to her?”
The corners of Xue Ning’s lips lifted slightly.
“What else?” she said calmly. “They’re probably discussing how to ruin me.”
If she remembered correctly, after her marriage to Su Zhan had been settled in her previous life, Su Qing had become increasingly displeased with her.
Usually, it was just petty sarcasm and troublemaking alongside Su Xi.
But there had been one particularly disgusting incident—Su Qing had nearly destroyed her reputation again, trying to make Su Zhan despise her even more.
The affection between her and Su Zhan had already been thin as paper to begin with.
Then Su Qing stepped in, slandering her with rumors about being involved with another man.
After that, Su Zhan’s dislike for her only deepened.
Now, although the marriage in this life had fallen through, Su Qing’s viciousness remained exactly the same.
If Xue Ning remembered right, it should happen around this time.
As long as she left the house—
Su Qing would definitely make a move.
“Harm you?”
Baochan’s little face turned pale instantly.
“She… she’s not planning to kill you, is she?”
Xue Ning smiled softly and pinched the maid’s chubby cheek.
“Don’t worry. Your young miss has her own ways of dealing with it.”
…
Two days later, Xue Ning rose early to pay her respects to Old Madam Xie and Madam Jiang.
Afterward, she boarded the marquis household’s carriage and quietly departed through the back gate.
The carriage rolled through two long streets before finally leaving the capital through the eastern gates.
The weather was gloomy that day.
The carriage swayed along the mountain roads outside the city, the path dusted with fine snowy mist.
It was even colder outside the capital than within it.
Xue Ning held a warm copper handwarmer close, a rabbit-fur scarf wrapped around her neck.
Every so often, she lifted the curtain to glance outside.
With the year nearing its end, many families were heading toward Zhen’guo Temple.
Along the way, she had already passed two carriages traveling in the same direction.
The scenery outside the city was breathtaking—green mountains and winding rivers buried beneath white snow, like an ink-wash painting with vast empty spaces left untouched.
It had been many years since Xue Ning had truly looked at the snow.
Back in Yongzhou, winter had only ever filled her with fear.
Fear of the cold.
Fear of illness.
Fear of hunger.
Fear that Su Zhan would ignore her.
Thinking back on it now, it all felt painfully ridiculous.
Her life had already become so miserable, yet what she kept thinking was still this:
They were husband and wife. One day, Su Zhan would surely come take her home.
But in the end, what came for her was only a raging fire.
Xue Ning laughed softly at herself.
There was sadness in it, but relief too.
Even with the carriage jolting so hard her eyes nearly watered, it still felt far better than those years in Yongzhou.
By the time they arrived at Zhen’guo Temple, the carriage stopped before the mountain gates.
Xue Ning put on her veiled hat before stepping down from the carriage with Baochan and entering the temple grounds.
“Miss, there are so many people here!”
Baochan stared around in amazement.
Back then, Xue Ning had always shamelessly insisted Su Zhan accompany her, so this was Baochan’s first time seeing such a grand scene.
Xue Ning paused briefly, then smiled.
“The Bodhisattva here is very spiritually responsive.”
Baochan’s eyes curved brightly.
“For everything?”
Xue Ning answered lightly,
“It’s most effective for matters of love.”
Baochan blinked and cautiously glanced at her mistress.
No wonder Miss had insisted on coming.
After offering incense for the master, madam, and young master, she was probably here to pray for marriage as well.
And surely the person she wished for… was the heir.
Lately, although Miss kept saying she would no longer pursue the heir, she still visited Qiushui Courtyard every single day.
She had also been trying so hard to please the old madam, clearly afraid the Su family would dislike her.
Unfortunately, while the heir treated her decently enough, he was always distant and cold.
Forget it.
Later, Baochan would pray too.
She would ask the Bodhisattva to bless her young miss and the heir, so that lovers might finally become husband and wife.
It was a rest day, and Zhen’guo Temple was crowded with worshippers, incense smoke curling endlessly through the air.
Unaware of Baochan’s thoughts, Xue Ning entered the temple and, by force of habit, headed toward the rear mountain side hall where memorial tablets for her parents were enshrined.
Along the way, she heard people discussing why the temple was especially lively today—
Master Miaolin was personally giving a public Buddhist lecture in the courtyard.
As a result, many nobles and aristocratic families had gathered here.
As she walked, she passed quite a few young masters and ladies from influential households.
Fortunately, Xue Ning rarely liked going out, and Old Madam Xie had never approved of her mingling with outsiders.
No one recognized her.
Keeping a low profile, she pulled her cloak tightly around herself and used the veiled hat to cover her face. Only after reaching the rear mountain area did she remove it.
…
Su Zhan stepped down from his carriage with several friends when his gaze suddenly landed on a marquis household carriage parked by the roadside.
His brows immediately furrowed.
“Hm? Isn’t that your family’s carriage, Brother Su?”
Xu Shengnian, an assistant minister from the Ministry of Justice, pointed toward it with a smile.
“Did someone from your household also come to hear Master Miaolin’s lecture?”
Su Zhan hadn’t heard of anyone from the residence planning to visit Zhen’guo Temple today. He called over the coachman to ask, only to learn that Xue Ning had come.
He had long known she liked chasing after him.
But he hadn’t expected her to be this bold—to follow him all the way to Zhen’guo Temple.
“Miss Xue insisted on going out alone,” the coachman explained carefully. “She even specifically went to Qiushui Courtyard to ask Madam for permission. That’s why we escorted her here. She’s already entered the temple and instructed us to wait outside.”
