3. An Unhappy Marriage
I took my usual seat in the greenhouse, trying to steady the chaos in my mind.
Like my parents said, Stanley would never make me unhappy. Compared to staying unmarried here, or being married off to a man thirty years older than me, he would surely give me a better life. Heâd said he would do his utmostâbut even so, for someone like me, a marriage this convenient was rare.
And yet⌠why did this marriage feel so unbearably wrong?
Before I could sink further into my thoughts, the maid Stanley had brought came in with a teapot, cups, and tea snacks. In an instant, the table was perfectly set.
Stanley sat across from me, waiting for me to take the first sip.
âStanley.â
I couldnât lift my head. I couldnât look at his face.
âI⌠I donât want to marry you.â
The words scraped out of my throat. He didnât answer.
My hands clenched tightly in my lap.
âItâs because⌠I canât have children. Youâd be miserable if you married meâŚâ
What he needed wasnât necessarily an heirâbut children werenât something he could simply do without.
âYou could marry anyone else whoâs been proposed to you right now and be happier than marrying me. But thatâs only for me. You⌠youâd want children too, wouldnât you?â
âMiss, please listen.â
At last, Stanley spoke. His voice was as calm as ever.
âI thought it through in my own way, and I accepted this engagement. At that time, I made the decision that I would not have children.â
I shook my head.
He should have married a woman who could naturally bear and raise children with him. Someone he could love wholeheartedly, building a family surrounded by warmth. That was the life he deserved.
He was someone I had admired like an older brotherâsomeone I respected deeply. I didnât want him to make a choice like that for me.
âI really like you. Thatâs why I donât want you to end up in an unhappy marriage.â
âIf you are happy, then I am happy as well.â
I had heard that line so many times. And true to it, he had always devoted himselfâto this household, to me. I had never doubted his loyalty.
But to give up his own life⌠even the private part of it.
ââŚJust in case Iâm misunderstandingâdo you actually have feelings for me?â
âI am not so presumptuous as to harbor feelings for a young lady of your standing.â
Stanley said it plainly.
As I expected. I wasnât exactly experienced in matters of romance, but even I had never felt anything like love from him. Not once.
He straightened his posture, expression tightening.
âThe master, madam, and I have discussed this at length. We considered carefully what would bring you happiness, and after all that deliberation, we concluded that marrying me is the best option. I will devote myself fully to fulfilling that expectation.â
His words, without a trace of hesitation, felt like something had struck me hard.
So it wasnât just talk.
This marriage⌠was actually going to happen.
I finally understood that reality was about to land on me.
ââŚSo youâre going to be my husband?â
âYes.â
âAnd Iâll be your wife?â
Stanley gave a small, soft smile.
âThat is correct.â
I tried to imagine our married life.
But it was hazy. Unclear. Like mist.
Instead, I thought of my parentsâhow naturally they lived together.
âDo I live in your house?â
âYes.â
âEat at the same table?â
âYes.â
âSleep in the same bed?â
Silence.
I looked up. Stanleyâs expression hadnât changed as he smiled.
âMost likely, yes.â
None of it felt real.
I leaned back in my chair and let out a long breath.
âI canât. I canât even imagine it. You calling me Florence, dropping the honorificsâŚâ
âThat⌠remains to be seen.â
âI donât want my husband calling me âmiss.ââ
âI will make reasonable efforts.â
I finally lifted my cup and took a sip of tea. Stanley did the same.
At the same time, we set our cups down. At the same time, we exhaled.
ââŚWell, nothing I say will change anything.â
Even if I cried, even if I threw a tantrum, nothing would change.
Just moments ago, I had said life would go as it goes.
âDoes it⌠really go as it goes?â
âIt does.â
âEven your life?â
âYes.â
âWere you always this optimistic?â
âThis is not optimism. It is the result of careful consideration. These cookies appear freshly baked.â
Freshly baked cookies were my favoriteâbut that wasnât the point right now.
And yet, my hand reached out on its own and took one.
As he poured me more tea, Stanley continued.
âI will likely take a slightly extended leave within the week. I need to return home and prepare.â
âI see. That sounds busy.â
I ate another cookie.
If I was going to marry, I wanted this recipe too. Could I ask the cook?
Stanley, now seated again, leaned slightly toward me.
âWhat exactly are you thinking about, looking so detached? You will also be undergoing bride training.â
I set my cup down and looked at him, drained.
âIâve had enough bride training.â
âWhat youâve had so far was preparation to become a bride. From now on, it is preparation for being one.â
I covered my ears.
I pretended not to hear.
A deep sigh escaped him.
âPlease do your best. I will do my best as well.â
âYou donât need to try so hard. You always overdo it. Those dark circles are still awful. Youâre wasting your looks.â
âNo.â
He shook his head firmly.
âI am to inherit the Aylis Trading Company and take as my wife the youngest daughter of the most beautiful lord of Chamberlain Territory. No effort would ever be enough.â
What an irritating title.
I frowned and stuck my tongue out.
So that âbeautiful youngest daughterâ everyone gossiped aboutâwas apparently me.
ââŚMiss.â
âYouâre embarrassed because I praised you?â
âPlease express embarrassment with more dignity. You should be more aware of yourself.â
âExcuse me.â
A voice cut in at just the right moment.
Relief washed over me as I turned around. A maid stood there, looking apologetic.
âLady Florence, Mr. Aylis, Iâm sorry to disturb you while youâre resting. Sir Aylis, the butler is calling for you.â
âI understand. Iâll go at once.â
Stanley stood and looked down at me.
âMiss.â
âItâs fine. Go on.â
ââŚMiss.â
He stared at me quietly, as if trying to say something more.
I waved him off cheerfully, as if the timing were a blessing.
He narrowed his eyes slightly.
I knew what he was thinking. I shrugged dramatically.
âI know. Iâll try not to embarrass my very diligent future husband.â
His eyes relaxed a littleâbut only a little.
âIâll return shortly.â
He bowed and left with the maid.
When the greenhouse finally quieted, I reached for my cup againâonly to notice the sewing basket Iâd left on the bench.
Right. The reason Stanley had agreed to take my shirt last time⌠was because he already knew we were going to be engaged.
I picked up the basket and brought it back to the table.
I couldnât very well hand secondhand fabric to my future husband.
When he came back, before he started lecturing me again, I should take his clothes and measure him properly.
Still carrying a lingering unease, I pressed my lips together, cut the thread Iâd been sewing into the fabric, and pulled it free with a decisive tug.