#059. I Shall Never Love You for the Rest of My Life—So Will You Marry Me?
That much wasn’t difficult. I answered immediately.
“I want to be happy.”
Of course, it was an empty phrase devoid of any real feeling. The Grand Duke, who had been leaning slightly forward, burst into laughter and leaned back a little. The air between us shifted, and it became slightly easier to breathe.
“See? You know it too. You can’t be happy on your own.”
“Then does that mean Your Grace can give me that happiness?”
I thought he would say yes, without hesitation. Like a naive pup unaware of the tiger.
But once again, the Grand Duke defied my expectations.
“Well, I failed the last time I tried.”
Even as he spoke of failure, the Grand Duke appeared indifferent. As if making someone else—someone I didn’t know—happy had never been his ultimate goal.
“So this time, I want to succeed.”
The distance between us, which had widened, closed again. But this time, I could breathe easier.
“Since the truth is out, I’d like to ask for your cooperation. What do you think?”
I took a deep breath and thought for a moment.
I had assumed the Grand Duke was just a typical control freak—someone who thought of me as his possession and wanted to toy with my life like a puppet master.
In other words, this was nothing more than a hobby for him. And on top of that, I had to pay the price for his little pastime? How unfair.
“Tell me the life you want, and I’ll give it to you.”
But the Grand Duke claimed he wasn’t interested in toying with my life. He was only interested in the outcome. He also openly admitted this was all for his own self-satisfaction.
Still…
“This is too much.”
Even if the Grand Duke didn’t expect compensation, people around us would think otherwise. And honestly, regardless of his intentions, it felt more comfortable for me to offer something in return.
“Then please tell me what price I can pay.”
So I decided to strike a different deal with him.
“…A price?”
“You’ll be supporting me in building the future I want. In return, I’m asking what I can give back to you—something other people would recognize, not some vague ‘happiness.’”
This relationship could never reverse the roles of master and servant. But it shouldn’t be too blatant either. If everyone knew that everything I had depended solely on the Grand Duke’s favor, my position would be as precarious as a house of cards.
Unless I had something else I could rely on, it would be dangerous to expose all my weaknesses like this.
“Hmm.”
The Grand Duke lightly stroked his chin—something he often did when deep in thought.
“Then let’s get married.”
Yes, that’s the answer I expected. For the first time today, the conversation went as I predicted, and I relaxed slightly.
“If that satisfies you.”
I had already guessed that he would offer marriage as the price. After all, I made it clear that this deal wasn’t for his benefit.
He had said everything he wanted to give me was for someone else—not me, but probably someone he knew in a previous life. So he claimed I didn’t need to worry about compensation.
To that, I replied: even if he didn’t think of it that way, others certainly would.
So it was obvious he’d propose something that others would accept as a fair trade—but wouldn’t harm me.
And what else could that be but marriage? If I became the Grand Duchess, people would see his favor not as affection but as support for his future partner. That way, it would earn public approval, and I could consider my role as Grand Duchess my part of the deal.
Aside from the Grand Duke—who could make me his duchess with just one word—everyone else would find it a reasonable condition.
“I’m satisfied. You were already my favorite among the candidates for Grand Duchess, anyway.”
Well, if he’s fine with it, then so be it. The Grand Duke took a sip of his now-cold tea and asked again:
“Now that it’s settled, I’ll ask again—do you really not need love?”
Was he unexpectedly romantic or what? I guess he remembered saying he’d help me if I had someone I loved.
“Let me ask you in return. Do you think love is necessary in marriage?”
That was a tricky one. I didn’t love the Grand Duke, didn’t plan to love him, and didn’t want to love him. Fortunately, he answered without hesitation.
“No, I don’t care. But there are people who believe that a loveless marriage is an unhappy one. —If you’re one of those people, marrying me wouldn’t make you happy.”
He had a point. Since he claimed he wanted me to be happy, it was only natural for him to consider it.
…Not that it mattered to me. I wasn’t going to be happy either way.
“No, love isn’t necessary. But—”
Still, I had to treat this deal seriously. Even if it meant nothing to me and wasn’t necessary for him.
So I told him what I considered the most important aspect of marriage.
“Please don’t ask me to love you.”
If some people believed that a marriage without love was unhappy, I belonged to the exact opposite group. I believed that only a marriage without love could be perfect.
A couple is like a shared destiny aboard the same ship. As long as they share the same destination and fulfill their roles, that’s enough.
Throwing emotions like affection into the mix only complicates things.
It’s this illusion that love is necessary in marriage that leads people to toss aside perfectly good spouses the moment they fall for someone else—and ruin their lives in the process.
Apart from not wanting to rely too much on the imperial family, the Grand Duke was actually a great partner to make a deal with. If only the power imbalance weren’t so extreme, he’d be the perfect spouse.
As long as he didn’t demand love from me.
They say you can’t hide love, poverty, or a cough—but I can. I’ve hidden my love all my life, and no one’s ever noticed.
On the contrary, I don’t know how to fake a love I don’t feel.
That’s why, in my previous life, I made it clear to my husband from the start. And he accepted it.
Thanks to that, we maintained a smooth, harmonious marriage for life without any problems.
So if the Grand Duke ever asked me for love… then perhaps I would truly become unhappy.
“Alright, understood.”
The Grand Duke responded briskly, then stood up. I wondered if he was leaving now that the deal was struck. But instead, he walked over to the window, pulled a flower from a vase, and—
“Your Grace?”
Water dripped from the rose stem and stained the carpet.
Even I, the ever-composed one, was caught off guard. But the Grand Duke casually stripped the stem of its leaves and twigs with his gloved hand, letting them fall to the floor.
Then, using the ribbon from around his neck, he tied the flower and in an instant created a beautiful bouquet.
He returned with the freshly made bouquet, knelt on one knee, and held it out to me. Ah—he’s proposing. How terribly old-fashioned of him.
“There was really no need to go this far…”
We weren’t even marrying for love. But to my surprise, the Grand Duke frowned as if puzzled.
“Why not? You like flowers.”
Me? Like flowers? Where did that come from? Didn’t he know what state the garden at Jasper Palace was in?
“Not particularly?”
He withdrew the bouquet slightly, blinking.
“You asked me to give you a flower, didn’t you?”
Ah. I had finally traced the origin of this monumental misunderstanding. When we first signed our playmate contract, he had asked me what I wanted—and I’d asked him to pluck a flower for me.
Not because I liked flowers, but it seems he had taken that as me loving them dearly.
So, three years later, I finally told the truth.
“Because I’d never received one before.”
Well, not quite accurate. I had received carved peony jade, gold-inlaid roses, and obsidian lotus blossoms—exquisite, extravagant things too beautiful to even wear comfortably.
But never fresh flowers. That’s all I wanted—to receive one, just once.
“Well, I mean, it’s perfectly normal for a three-year-old to have never received flowers…”
He wasn’t wrong, so I had nothing to say. I gave up and quietly held out both hands. Fine, let’s just pretend I like flowers. It’s not a bad look anyway. The Grand Duke chuckled at the sight and held out the bouquet once more.
“I shall never love you for the rest of my life. So, will you marry me?”
“Yes, gladly.”
A man yearning for someone forever out of reach, and a woman in love with someone who doesn’t exist in this world.
Perhaps we’ll make a surprisingly perfect pair.
With that thought, I took the flowers from his hands.
