Chapter 11
Could it be⌠this shy man would run away again? Suddenly, that worry crossed my mind.+
âUm⌠you seeâŚâ+
âYesâŚâ+
âWould you⌠perhaps not run away again?â+
âI wonât. I know you dislike it. How could I possibly dareâŚâ+
Thatâs a relief. It seems he wonât run away after all. I fanned myself awkwardly with my hand, trying to cool the heat on my face. Then Yezar asked me.+
âPlease promise me too, Madam, that you wonât run away.â+
âWhy on earth would I run awayâŚâ+
I said that as I looked up at him. But then, the moment when he had gently touched my hand flashed through my mind. Instinctively, I took a step back from him.+
ââŚcouldnât I run away too?â+
Back then, I only found his fleeing frustrating. Now, however, I could understand how he felt.+
âItâs so embarrassing. Whenever I meet his eyes, the sensation of Yezar caressing my hand comes back vividly.â+
I awkwardly smiled and averted my gaze, and he paused briefly. I stopped too, waiting for him. But instead of walking again, he spoke to me.+
âI understand. Iâve felt the same way myself.â+
His voice carried a certain sadness.+
âYezar?â+
âBut⌠if you keep avoiding me, I think Iâll feel terribly sad. Please donât do that.â+
At that moment, I couldnât help but look back at him. He was smiling, but it was such a painfully sorrowful smile that I froze.+
âYezar had merely watched Bertishaâs retreating back as she quietly walked away. Her smile toward Camileo looked dazzlingly happy. He didnât dare disrupt that happiness. The endless rain mixed with his tears, soaking the dry earth.â+
Why did that passage from the novel suddenly come to mind?+
That description, filled with his devoted loveâloving the heroine Bertisha yet stepping aside not to ruin her happinessâhad felt deeply sad, yet beautiful.+
I unclenched my tightly fisted hand. Strangely, this man seemed ideal, as if he lacked the desires that any normal person should possess.+
He was excessively foolish, selflessly devoted, and always thinking of others. I didnât understand why he acted this way, but he behaved as if it were fine to possess nothing at allâas if he could vanish at any moment, and it wouldnât matter.+
âSmiling wonât make everything alright.â+
But how could a person never desire, never be selfish? They merely suppress, hide, and conceal it. And without realizing, their insides rot away.+
âYouâre not avoiding me, so please donât smile so sadly. It hurts my heart.â+
ââŚDid I hurt your heart, Madam? Iâm sorry.â+
âDonât casually apologize like that. Sometimes, Yezar, you seem not to value yourself at all. While being so considerate of othersâŚâ+
Carefully, I took his hand. My face flushed slightly, still unable to erase the memory of just earlier, but I had no intention of letting go.+
âIâll adapt. You said only the steward and the butler know about our contract marriage, right?â
âThatâs true, but Madam⌠your handâŚâ+
He seemed as flustered as I was, stumbling over his words. Still, I was pleased that he didnât let go and obediently kept holding my hand.+
âLetâs revise the rulesâholding hands doesnât require mutual consent anymore. We need to show some affection in front of the other servants who donât know the truth of our marriage.â+
Weâll be holding hands plenty from now on. I canât keep being embarrassed like today.+
Besides, if I shy away from him because Iâm embarrassed, he might smile that sad smile again. And I didnât want that.+
âAre you really alright with taking my hand so readily, MadamâŚ?â+
In response to his cautious question, I turned my head and scolded him.+
âCanât you see my face is flushed?â+
What an utterly clueless man. Of course Iâm not alright! Why does he keep touching my hand and making me think strange things? I had plenty to complain about, but when I glanced sideways, I saw his face brighten, and I couldnât say anything.+
âHmph. Being a contract wife isnât easy at all.â+
We stood there, hands still clasped. Then Yezar suddenly said something astonishing.+
âYouâre adorable, Madam.â+
âYou forgot the rules we agreed on?â+
What was adorable all of a sudden? This man would randomly call even inanimate objects cute.+
âDidnât we only agree not to say âI love youâ?â+
âLetâs add that statement to the list too.â+
âThatâs too much, Madam.â+
His face, saying that, was completely clear and bright, as if something wonderful had happened.+
âYour expression is like a perfectly sunny spring dayâŚâ+
When I grumbled softly, he laughed. Our steps, which had paused, started moving again.+
We still held hands, but I didnât insist on letting go. If the servants happened to see us walking hand in hand into the garden, it would benefit our future contract marriage life.+
Of course, I wasnât used to it yet and felt extremely embarrassed. I hoped Iâd grow accustomed to it eventuallyâbut would the day really come when Iâd be comfortable touching a handsome man?+
Then suddenly, I remembered something we hadnât discussed and asked Yezarâs opinion.+
âOh, Yezar. I just realizedâwe havenât talked about this. If someone asks where we first held hands, should we say it was at some quiet park?â+
When I asked, his pace suddenly quickened. I hurried after him, calling out.+
âYezar! Your steps are too fast!â+
Then he slowed down. But with his other hand, he covered his face and cautiously asked me.+
âIâm sorry, but regarding the part you mentioned⌠do we also need to decide where the first kiss happened?â+
For a moment, my eyes involuntarily drifted to his lips. Thick, smooth, fragrant, and slightly partedârevealing a deep, deep red insideâŚ!+
âAhh!â
Overwhelmed by such improper thoughts, I dropped his hand and ran.+
âDamn it! How could I have such wicked thoughts about this pure man? Am I completely insane?!â+
But he didnât give me time to escape and immediately chased after me.+
âYou said you wouldnât run away!â+
âIâm not! I just suddenly felt like running!â+
Anyway, itâs not running away! So donât follow me!+
Yet, with those long legs, he ran right beside me just as he would if I were fleeing, and took my hand again.+
He gripped it tightly, as if refusing to let go, and I slowly stopped. There was nowhere left to run. Knowing Iâd be caught anyway, I offered a clumsy excuse.+
âI really just wanted to run for a moment.â+
âI thought you were running away from me, Madam.â+
His relieved reply pricked my conscience. I struggled to catch my breath, deliberately avoiding looking at his luscious lips.+
âUm⌠Yezar.â+
âYes?â+
âAbout the first kiss location⌠yes, we should decide that too.â+
We had to. Where did we mostly go on dates? What did we do when we met? There would be many nobles curious, nosy as hyenas, wanting to know why we had secretly dated all along.+
âBefore that, let me silently sing a song first.â+
There was no better way to drive away such embarrassing and inappropriate thoughts than this song. I sang the first verse of the national anthem to calm my heart.+
âPlease, help me erase these wicked thoughts.â+
And the effect was tremendous. When I glanced at his lips again, I felt absolutely nothing.+
âI think Iâm fine now.â+
When I smiled brightly, he looked utterly bewildered.+
âI donât know what song you sang, but Iâm glad youâre feeling better.â+
As he said this, he carefully tidied my hair, which had become messy from running.+
âMay I assume that this level of contact is now permitted?â+
The gentle curve of his upturned lips and the soft dimples on his cheeks were truly beautiful. Really, this man was unfairly handsome.+
âI already allowed hand-holding, so⌠this kind of contact isnât a big deal.â+
Besides, the rules restricting physical contact were set because I thought they might make him uncomfortable. If he was fine with it, then I was fine too.+
As I quietly accepted his touch, the soft rustling sound of him brushing aside my loose strands gently brushed my ears.+
The breeze blowing just right, my hair fluttering, his gentle hand brushing it back, his warm smileâwhy, I wondered.+
When I closed my eyes, I felt as if his lips were about to touch mine.
So I quietly murmured.+
ââŚHow about we say our first kiss happened near a quiet lake, just like now, when the wind was gently blowing, and Yezar was brushing my hair back?â+
Then his hand slowly swept through my hair, then brushed past my cheek.+
âYes, Julietta.â+
For a moment, I felt as if his blue eyes had briefly focused on my lips. Of course, it must have been my imagination.+
âCould it be because itâs a contract marriage? There are quite a few things we need to coordinate. Letâs decide the rest gradually.â+
We still had plenty of time. The day for public banquets was still far off. Besides, only at the beginning would we need to align so many details. Later, there probably wouldnât be so many things left to coordinate. By the time I adapt to this married life, the contract will end.+
âFor two years, I might grow quite fond of this kind man. I should be careful.â+
Thinking this, we finally reached the garden entrance. Then he called out to stop me.+
âMadam. Could we say our first meeting was at a noisy tavern?â+
âA tavern?â+
There were plenty of better places. A noisy tavern? It seemed odd, as it wasnât a place heâd normally go, but I didnât firmly refuse.+
After all, I once secretly drank alcohol as a rebellious act after coming of age, since the original storyâs ending seemed to be approaching.+
âYes, thatâs fine. But⌠is there a reason you chose a noisy tavern?â+
Then Yezar smiled playfully, unlike his usual self.+
âItâs still a secret.â
