#025. A Child Is Heavier Than a Doll
“You said earlier that Her Majesty the Empress is scary and dangerous.”
“I did.”
“But during the meal earlier, she seemed rather warm and friendly.”
“She did.”
“Seeing that, I couldn’t help but wonder… Is Your Highness keeping a distance because you’re afraid of Her Majesty, or do you still want to be close since she’s family?”
Despite the potentially impudent nature of the question, the Grand Duke didn’t seem offended.
“Ah, I guess it could seem that way. But she’s scary and dangerous to enemies. If she’s on your side, that’s unquestionably better. So don’t worry, just enjoy being doted on.”
It was a refreshingly honest answer. But the situation wasn’t that simple — not just from the Grand Duke’s point of view.
It might have seemed strange to be asking such a question to a five-year-old, but having seen her intelligence, I pressed on.
“Do you think Her Majesty feels the same way?”
The Grand Duke’s hand, which had been stroking his chin, suddenly froze. The easy flow of conversation broke, and the child stared quietly at me.
Did I dig too deep? Was I being presumptuous? Or was my line of reasoning too fast?
As I reconsidered what I had said, the Grand Duke spoke again, now in a quieter tone.
“…A three-year-old couldn’t have come up with that.”
I barely suppressed the shiver running through my shoulders. He was right.
My original question was whether the Grand Duke viewed the Empress as an ally or an enemy. He responded that he wanted her as an ally. Then I asked whether the Empress would also view him the same way.
As he pointed out, a three-year-old might be curious about his feelings toward the Empress — but wouldn’t think to wonder about hers in return.
How could a three-year-old even perceive the ambiguity in their relationship?
But then again, a five-year-old shouldn’t be able to either.
“Who told you to ask that?”
I kept my eyes fixed on my teacup and stayed silent.
He was likely thinking the same thing I was — how can a child that young say something like that?
He didn’t seem to expect an answer though. He simply ran his fingers over the teacup, lost in thought.
“Right. You said your nanny was a well-educated noblewoman.”
His conclusion was logical — and therefore wrong. I stayed silent.
“Did she tell you to ask that?”
Now was the time to answer — when the Grand Duke already seemed convinced.
“Miss Tulla didn’t do anything wrong.”
My voice came out naturally shaky, more from shock than intent. He must have misunderstood me as trying to protect Tulla, because his voice softened.
“I’m not blaming your nanny.”
Of course not. The Grand Duke I knew was quick-witted beyond his years. He’d prefer quick, practical conversations over scolding someone for overstepping royal boundaries.
“I just meant… it makes sense now. Like I said, a three-year-old wouldn’t think the Empress might dislike me.”
The Grand Duke smiled gently, as if trying to reassure me.
“Tell your nanny that there’s nothing to worry about. She won’t be in danger.”
After taking a large sip of tea, he blinked slowly, as if choosing his words.
“Hmm. That might not be enough to ease her fears, huh? Then maybe I should give you a bit more to pass on. I can’t go into detail since it’s a family matter, but I am the confirmed next emperor. That’s been settled. I think your nanny is worried that once a crown prince is born, my position might weaken and you could be caught in the fallout… but tell her not to worry. The agreement is firm. No matter what happens, I’ll make sure you’re safe.”
It was a shocking declaration. How could such an agreement even be reached — the emperor and empress are barely in their twenties, and yet they’ve agreed to pass the throne to the younger brother even if they have a child?
Still, as the Grand Duke said, the fact that they even made such a promise means there are probably complex dynamics within the imperial family — not something they’d tell an outsider like me.
The real concern was that the young Grand Duke might be misunderstanding something — maybe taking an offhand comment too seriously.
But that’s something I’d have to observe over time.
In any case, I wasn’t just a disposable pawn — I was the hostage of a minor country placed by the heir apparent’s side. I needed to re-evaluate my role.
If he truly is the next emperor, then he wouldn’t consider me a candidate for his future empress.
Just the realization that I didn’t need to navigate between him and the Empress lifted a heavy burden from my heart.
“If one problem’s solved, let me give you another.”
Just as I began to relax, that statement made me unconsciously straighten my back.
“You might’ve forgotten, so I’ll remind you…”
Gulp. I swallowed audibly and, embarrassed, took a sip of tea. He waited until I was done drinking.
“I have a mother.”
The words were so natural that I didn’t grasp their meaning at first.
“Does Her Majesty the Dowager Empress… pay attention to me?”
I only realized what he meant after I said it out loud.
Right. The Empress Dowager. The one currently managing the household affairs instead of the young Empress — probably in her forties or fifties.
In other words, the reigning matriarch of the active social circle.
“You’re the first friend her precious youngest son has chosen. Of course she’s paying attention.”
That made sense. To outsiders, we just looked like friends.
“She’ll probably call for you soon. Go meet her, talk with your worried nanny afterward, and decide for yourself — who would be better for you to stay close with.”
“I get to choose? Not Your Highness?”
The Grand Duke gave a wry smile and rubbed his forehead.
“There are pros and cons to both sides. …You’ll understand after you meet my mother.”
That didn’t sound reassuring at all. Somehow, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be sleeping well tonight.
I had originally planned to rest and lay low for a while. After all the palace moves and tea parties, I hadn’t had time to participate in the hostage social circle — or what they now call the “external aristocrat circle.”
But if the Empress Dowager is paying attention to me, that changes everything.
The Empress doting on me? That’s ideal. Being the Grand Duke’s playmate? That only matters once we grow older. For now, it’s just childish make-believe. I could muddle through all of that.
But if the Empress Dowager starts showing interest?
No matter how harmless, dim-witted, or useless I pretend to be, it’ll just make me seem more suspicious. At this point, maybe it’s better to lean fully into the “young prodigy” image.
But then, there are people I wouldn’t be able to befriend — the ones who want nothing to do with politics, who live on the fringes of the mainstream.
The ones who live the life I’ve always yearned for but could never attain.
“I’m glad you wanted to meet me.”
I had to approach those kinds of people now — before the rumors about my ties to the imperial family started spreading.
You see, people who avoid politics are often emotionally vulnerable. Most of them just don’t want to be caught up in schemes where people are used and discarded based on gain and loss.
Once you form a bond, they’ll come along with you even if they’re reluctant.
“Yewr busy these days, right? Sowwy, I cwoudn’t wight sooner.”
Especially the scholar types — like Princess Delaira, who got dragged here without an excuse after spending her days immersed in herbal studies. I had to secure someone like her.
“’Specially Twki said she missed yew.”
Unlike what most people think, talent can be replaced. You can just hire ten people instead of one genius. A once-in-a-century prodigy? Nice to have, but not necessary.
The truly invaluable people are those with knowledge — scholars who can advise me on what I haven’t learned and don’t know. They’re the ones I must secure.
“How could you be so adorable?”
I deliberately spoke with a babyish lisp, which must’ve worked — Princess Delaira melted instantly. Maybe it also helped that I met her alone, not in a group like usual. As a typical scholar, she wasn’t good at standing out in crowds.
“I heawd yew made a gwoww room.”
“Oh, yes. Since I’ll be staying here for a while, I wanted to continue my research.”
Her eyes went dreamy. Scholars always did that when they talked about their field. I clasped my hands and widened my eyes exaggeratedly.
“Wow! That’s so coow! I wanna see it!”
“W-Would you like to? It’s still unfinished and a little messy…”
“Yesh! I wanna see it!”
“Then this way… Um, would it be alright if I carried you?”
“Yesh, it’s okay.”
I held out my arms eagerly and let her lift me.
“…Children really are heavier than dolls.”
I pretended not to hear her whispering the obvious like it was some profound realization.
