Chapter 22. What Matters Is Now
It was now me who was flustered, taken aback by his polite apology.
Why was this affecting me?
On top of that, the sincerity in his face as he said he wanted to make up for all the times he felt sorry made me feel even more uneasy.
I hadn’t even realized how much I was losing control in front of him.
“It seems I misunderstood. It would’ve been nice if you had told me from the beginning that it was your fault…”
“No matter where your heart was directed, I didn’t think it was my place to determine right or wrong. That’s something only you can decide.”
You are the master of your own heart. I just need to manage mine.
For some reason, those softly spoken words struck a deep chord within me.
Was that why—before the regression—he kept his distance from me? Out of respect for my feelings, and to manage his own?
Unable to respond, my lips simply parted and closed silently. Leofric met my eyes with a gentle warmth.
“I didn’t say this to make you feel guilty, Amelia.”
“But, Your Highness…”
“I only said it hoping to ease some of your burden. Please don’t take it too much to heart.”
As I listened to his words, I began to wonder.
Perhaps the distance between us in our previous lives had also stemmed from a misunderstanding like this.
Maybe we kept avoiding each other and dealing only with obligations because of it.
If that’s the case—then perhaps, just maybe—we could do better this time, just like he said?
I was lost in thought when—
“Also, I want to earn some points with you.”
Leofric tilted his head and smiled playfully at me, who had been flustered this whole time.
Then, in a careful gesture, he gently reached out and lifted my head that had been lowered all along.
He softly brushed my cheek, almost like he was being coy.
“Please give me a chance to make up for it, Amelia. I truly believe we can get along well.”
“…That’s something I should be asking of you, not the other way around. I was the one at fault first.”
“Should we really call it a fault?”
“But I was the one who caused the misunderstanding…”
He looked at me quietly, then spoke in a soft voice, as if to reassure me.
“It’s alright. What matters is now.”
What matters is now.
So—does that mean the only thing that matters is where my heart lies right now?
Without realizing it, I nodded.
Completely caught in his pace, without even noticing.
“…I totally fell for it.”
I only realized it after Leofric left the room with a “sleep well” and went into the room next door.
I’d asked a question to figure out his intentions, but instead, he apologized so seriously that I got completely distracted.
I wasn’t supposed to get swept up so easily like that.
Sitting on the bed, I let out a long sigh.
Still… I suppose I should be glad that I at least now understood why he kept his distance before the regression.
Or maybe I should feel grateful to him for saying “what matters is now,” even though he already knew about Lloyd.
Either way, none of it sat well with me.
I had decided to dedicate this life to stopping Lloyd and making Leofric the most powerful emperor.
Not to reflect on things I failed to realize in my past life.
Even if I now understood Leofric’s true feelings… it didn’t make me feel grateful.
No, it only added to my guilt.
If Leofric had always wanted to get along with me, it made sense why he was so concerned about me even in his final moments.
And the more I realized that, the more guilt weighed down on me for how I had treated him.
I buried my face in my hands and sighed again.
I don’t want to understand Leofric.
Because if I do… if I come to understand and accept him… I might end up becoming his emotional companion, or even a friend.
But I made up my mind to leave because of the wrongs I committed.
I didn’t want to waver.
The only reason I’m by his side now is to give him a better life than the one he had before.
I don’t need any other motivations or emotions.
So—
“I need to harden my heart more… from now on.”
This is the limit.
I won’t let myself get swept up by him, or shaken, or feel guilty anymore.
I’ll just focus on why I’m here.
Only my goal. Only what I need to do.
Any other feelings toward Leofric—I’ll forget them quickly, or press them down deep and bury them.
That’s the only way both he and I can live in peace from now on.
I kept repeating that to myself, over and over again.
Until the deep of night turned into a silent dawn.
Until my heart had completely hardened.
“Still can’t find a jewel worthy of your beauty today either.”
The next day, after a night full of steeling myself—
Leofric wanted to continue the now-unnecessary charade.
Although we had visited an illegal auction, our true identities hadn’t been fully exposed.
And at the inn, our names were still listed as Count and Countess Benhur.
Seizing the opportunity, he seemed to want to fully enjoy the city as “Leo Benhur” and “Mela Benhur.”
At least until we left Waynes, he was committed to playing this absurd play.
Well, it did help us stay under the radar…
But did we really need to keep up this exaggerated act?
“What about this one? It suits your eyes.”
Leofric held up a pair of earrings adorned with amethyst and smiled at me.
I heard the boutique staff gasp at his smile.
But, having resolved not to be swayed again, I averted my eyes.
“It’s too much, Leo. We agreed no more jewelry.”
“But how can I suppress the urge to give you something even more beautiful? Mela, just pick one, hmm? I heard this is the best shop in Waynes.”
“At this rate, you’ll end up with all the jewels in every region, Leo.”
“That sounds perfect. You deserve only the finest and most beautiful things.”
I could ignore his smile, but not his ridiculous persistence.
No matter how much I nudged him or gave him signals with my eyes, Leofric acted cluelessly and asked the staff for something even more beautiful.
“Or how about this—jewelry made from gemstones or specialties unique to each region? To preserve our memories, and to adorn your radiant beauty.”
“That’s a good idea, but I think we should stop for today. We’ve already looked around quite a bit.”
“I apologize, Mela. I didn’t consider that you might be tired. Are you alright? Should we return to the inn?”
Leofric looked at me with genuine concern.
Naturally, another round of gasps came from the surrounding staff.
At this point, I even suspected he was enjoying the attention.
I lightly pushed his shoulder and shook my head.
“I’m fine. But let’s stop shopping now. It’s a shame to spend all our time in stores when Waynes is known for its beautiful scenery.”
“You’re right. I came all the way here because I heard the views were stunning… how careless of me.”
“It’s alright. We can start sightseeing now.”
When I smiled, he smiled back and nodded.
He gently placed the tray of jewelry back on the table.
Then turned to the surrounding staff with a bright smile.
“Are there any sightseeing spots nearby you’d recommend? Somewhere with a good view of the sea would be ideal.”
“Ah, yes! There are many! Waynes is surrounded by the sea on three sides, after all!”
“The Bayne Cliffs are a bit far but very quiet and scenic! The cliffs were carved by the sea, and the view from the top is amazing.”
“There’s also a lake hill nearby—only locals know about it, but it has lots of trees and shade, perfect for a noble lady like yourself!”
“There’s a seaside restaurant near there!”
“And a café too!”
Of course, the staff immediately began listing every tourist spot, famous restaurant, and café in Waynes.
It went on for over ten minutes.
“With all this, we won’t need to worry about where to go or what to eat during our stay.”
After we left the boutique and got into the carriage, Leofric looked over the list the staff had written down.
Waving the paper with a satisfied smile.
He had asked them to write it down since we probably wouldn’t remember everything—and they had eagerly brought out pens to jot everything down.
I sighed lightly as I watched him look pleased.
Sure, having many options wasn’t a bad thing…
But we would be leaving soon anyway, so none of it felt very meaningful.
And I was starting to get tired.
“Are you alright, Mela? You’ve seemed out of sorts for a while.”
Leofric must have sensed my mood.
“It’s nothing. I think I’m just a bit tired.”
“Should we return to the inn for now? Come to think of it, you didn’t seem to sleep well last night…”
He leaned down with concern to meet my eyes.
He probably meant well—but for someone like me who had spent all night resolving to keep my distance, that closeness only made things worse.
I quickly straightened up and put space between us.
He blinked in surprise.
“Ah… sorry. I don’t really like people getting too close.”
“…I see. I didn’t realize. I’m sorry if I startled you.”
Once again, he apologized politely.
Even though he had every right to be upset.
And yet, it was me who felt uncomfortable at his kindness.
Despite all my promises not to get caught in his pace again.
I replied shortly that I was fine and turned my head toward the window.
“Then let’s head back for now. Rest well, and if you’re feeling better later, how about going out for a nice dinner?”
“…Yes, that sounds good.”
Despite everything, I couldn’t bring myself to say no.
Because if I did… I had the feeling that the expression reflected in the window would be unbearably sad.
And so, as if my resolve from the night before meant nothing—I nodded and gave in.
