CHAPTER~19
The Emperor’s Incomprehensible Obsession
What bothered Dona more than the Empress who had vanished without a word, leaving even her life or death unknown, was the Emperor’s attitude like that.
The more clearly she saw the Emperor’s incomprehensible obsession with the missing Airi, the more Dona was reminded of things she desperately wanted to forget.
For instance, the countless nights when she would wait all day in the reception room for an Emperor who never came, then return to the detached palace together with Airi.
Whenever Dona grumbled that there was no point foolishly waiting when she already knew he would not come, the Empress never scolded her for rudeness and instead spoke as if soothing her.
‘I’m fine, Dona.
His Majesty must simply be busy.’
Even when Dona grew angry, asking how she could say such things about a husband who let all the palace servants whisper that the Empress had lost her mind, Airi only smiled.
Whether the day was overcast, lashed by fierce rain and wind, or struck by a raging typhoon, it did not matter.
With a smile like sunlight isolated all on its own, the Empress always said:
‘I am truly fine.
Because I know that just breathing like this on this land is already something to be grateful for.’
I’m fine, it will be fine, it will get better.
That suffocatingly foolish woman could say nothing but words like those.
She was a woman so full of hope it made one’s chest tighten just watching her, a woman whose head to toe was nothing but a field of flowers.
Even if you set fire to the very center of it, if left alone she would revive again and again, like a stubborn, tenacious weed.
And that woman, the Emperor had dried up and killed with three years of silence.
Dona, who had been striding briskly down the corridor, came to an abrupt halt before a pool of sunlight spilled across the floor.
Along with the white light, a sudden memory poured down at her feet.
Airi, who had originally risen at dawn, had at some point begun to stay awake all night, absorbed in something, only to open her eyes late in the afternoon.
Worried about what she could possibly be doing, Dona often found herself standing for a long while in the corridor where light leaked out, peering into the room, and as a result she too frequently overslept.
In the dim light, Airi was always embroidering.
‘Please stop doing such foolish things now, Your Majesty the Empress.’
Dona, who had watched the scene with growing dissatisfaction, finally lost her patience when she saw Airi continue stitching while clutching a handkerchief soaked in blood from pricking her finger with the needle, and she rushed into the room.
It was the day before the Emperor’s birthday banquet, the very night when even on the eve of finally taking leave, Dona could not sleep from anxiety and looked into the Empress’s bedroom, unable to resist the Empress who kept pushing her to go.
When she snatched the embroidery away and checked her hand, it was clear she had been pricked not once or twice, but was a complete mess.
A woman whose only talent had been her dexterous hands had, at some point, even lost that skill.
And yet.
‘I’m fine, Dona.’
And yet Airi said that.
‘What on earth is fine about this…….’
‘At least he hasn’t driven me out of this land, has he.
So.’
It’s fine, she said, and the Empress smiled like a fool again.
The fact that such a foolish woman was the mistress she served made Dona unbearably frustrated and resentful.
‘He has never once said that he hates me, so I believe.’
Even though she should have realized by now that there are things one understands without being told, the woman continued to believe foolishly.
Watching the Empress smile even after suffering such cold neglect, only Dona’s insides burned with seething rage.
‘I really don’t know what country a princess like you comes from, to be this foolish.’
That was why only thorn-sharp words spilled out.
‘Please stop making clothes he won’t even accept only to throw them away, and go back to your family home at least, Your Majesty.
How many times have I told you that men don’t like women who cling to them, and only start caring once they disappear from sight?’
‘…….’
‘Why won’t you go, anyway?
Did you have a life-and-death feud with your parents before coming here?’
Even at those rude words that burst out when she could no longer hold back, Airi did not get angry, but replied in a calm tone.
‘My mother passed away when I was very young, so I don’t remember her face very well.’
Dona’s lips, which had been snapping back sharply, paused for a moment.
In that brief silence, Airi continued softly.
‘Because of that, my father treasured me dearly.
He had nothing but sons, and then a single daughter was born, and he said I resembled my mother very much.
So how lovely must I have seemed in the eyes of a father who longed for his wife his entire life and could not take another.
I only came to understand how my father felt after I myself had a child.’
Looking at Airi murmuring with eyes filled with longing, Dona remained silent for a moment before responding.
‘……Then why not at least send a letter…….’
‘That’s why I cannot return.
I am an unfilial child who left behind a father who loves me so deeply and came all this way, so I must become even happier.’
‘……But this isn’t the time to worry about pride or appearances, Your Majesty.’
Grabbing Airi by the shoulders, Dona pressed her.
‘You’re practically wasting away to death, and you say it makes sense not to go back to a perfectly fine family home just because you don’t want to worry them?’
‘…….’
‘Princess, please.
Just once, please listen to me, won’t you?’
But no matter how much strength she put into the shoulders she was holding, the Empress only returned a drained smile.
‘I cannot go back.’
‘I don’t say this because I want to.
Even if I want to return, I can no longer go.’
Though Airi’s mouth was smiling as she said that, her eyes were not.
Seeing her pupils, dyed by lamplight, sink away like waves soaked in the afterglow of sunset, Dona found it somehow harder to continue speaking.
After a brief silence, Airi spoke.
‘You always say, Dona, what kind of princess acts like this.
Blanca and Carla scolded you, but I actually thought you were right.
You must have struggled so much teaching me how to walk and speak on land, when I never learned it.’
Dona listened to those calmly flowing words with a vague expression.
Just as she wondered if Airi was mocking her, Airi added:
‘I truly came from the sea, Dona.
That is why I cannot return.
If I were to go back to the sea now, I would turn into sea foam.’
At some point, the lamplight softly illuminated Airi’s face, now devoid of any smile.
‘So I will become happy here, Dona.
No matter how lonely or sad it is, it’s fine.
If you earnestly believe and hope, it will be fine.
Just as it has been until now.
Because I know that even in the pitch-dark depths of the sea, light can enter…….’
Dona stared in bewilderment at Airi’s vivid crimson eyes, which appeared faintly red under the lamplight.
‘You are the only one in this castle who listens to me, Dona, so I wanted to tell you the truth.
Even if it hurts, I’m fine, Dona.
Unlike magic, the voice I produce requires no price, so it can heal any pain.’
‘…….’
‘Ah, Dona, you don’t really know, do you?
The reason the Siren clan became sea royalty is because once every hundred years, a special Siren who sings a healing song is born.
Small wounds like needle pricks recover even without singing.
See, the bleeding on my hand has already stopped.’
As Airi said that and held out her hand, Dona could not even bring herself to look down at it.
‘I just wanted to tell you not to worry that I might be hurt.
And please don’t hate His Majesty too much.
He probably just needs time to accept it.’
Dona could not understand the words reaching her ears.
‘As you know, Dona, he has never once said that he hates me.
So if I wait, then someday he too will understand my heart…….’
‘What are you saying.’
‘…….’
‘……What are you saying, Your Majesty the Empress.’
The moment she cut her off and added that, the air around them sank as if submerged in water.
The lamplight flickered once across Airi’s cheek as she froze with a slightly dazed expression.
‘You didn’t say something like that in front of His Majesty the Emperor too, did you?’
‘…….’
‘……Your Majesty the Empress.’
‘Go, go to His Majesty the Emperor right now and beg him.
Say it was all a misunderstanding and a joke.’
‘……Dona, I.’
‘Your Majesty the Empress, Your Majesty is simply not in a sound state right now.
People, people keep saying strange things.’
‘…….’
‘Y-yes, that’s right.
What Your Majesty says is right.
His Majesty the Emperor has never said that he dislikes Your Majesty, and he knows that Your Majesty is this unwell…….’
It was the Empress who had brought up the strange story, yet it was Dona who rambled on in a flustered attempt to explain it away.
That was the best duty Dona could perform for her mistress, who was entangled in bizarre rumors and suffering from illness.
‘So once your condition improves, His Majesty the Emperor will surely return to how he was before.’
That day, the Empress’s state seemed so severe that Dona had to fabricate false hope out of nothing and tell it as truth.
To claim that she herself was a monster with the tail of a fish for a lower body, who wrecked ships and killed people at sea.
And to say that she had even told such an absurd joke to the Emperor, who hated the Siren clan more than anyone in the world.
‘The banquet is coming up soon, isn’t it?
Go see His Majesty the Emperor then.
At least on that day, His Majesty did meet with Your Majesty.’
‘…….’
‘……Go and talk to him.
I, I’ll go with you.
We’ll beg for forgiveness together.’
Dona said that even though she herself did not know what Airi had done wrong.
Because now, she knew that being noticed by the Emperor was the only way for this woman, who seemed to be losing her mind, to survive.
Airi glanced sideways at the shoulder Dona was gripping tightly, then lowered her gaze to the floor.
‘Okay.
I will, Dona.’
At that moment, a cold wind rattled the window, and the lamplight that had been faintly flickering atop the desk went out with a pop.
‘I was short-sighted.’
In the pitch-black darkness where nothing could be seen even an inch ahead, only a murmuring voice was heard.
‘As you say, Dona, I will apologize to him even now.
So please don’t worry about me and go visit your hometown.’
The Empress, who had pushed Dona to pack and leave while Dona remained anxious and unable to leave the room all through the night, saw her maid off to the carriage as soon as day broke.
‘Travel safely, Dona.’
On the winter morning when the banquet began, Airi waved brightly with a wide smile toward the carriage as it grew distant, her innocent face shining.
That was the last face of Airi that Dona ever saw.
