BOAD 05

5. I Thought My Breath Stopped

Earlier, at the temple, seeing Lloyd Alois brought something to mind.

It was the resolve that I would never fail in this life, and that I needed a mechanism to make that certainty even stronger.

I intended to live this life entirely for Leofric.

While being the Crown Princess, using everything I remember to stabilize the royal authority.

But Leofric does not know that I have lived this life once before.

There will likely be many doubts about what I will do going forward.

And if he realizes that it will ultimately ruin his own cousin Lloyd, he might get angry.

Each time, I won’t be able to properly explain and will only move my lips silently.

Perhaps he might not trust me and choose a path leading to disaster on his own.

To prevent that from happening, I thought it necessary to have a deep conversation with him.

For that, I had to pull out a card he wouldn’t refuse.

No matter what, I had to make him accept my proposal.

While thinking about the things I would ask of Leofric, I heard the door open behind me and turned my head.

“Sorry I’m late.”

For some reason, his voice sounded a bit urgent as he came through the door.

Sorry for being late.

I never thought I’d hear such an impolite phrase from him.

“It’s alright. Did something come up?”

“Yes. I got caught up with a sudden urgent report. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long.”

He walked with a somewhat long stride and passed by me in that moment, sitting opposite me.

His collar fluttered lightly, and a faint scent mixed of musk and heavy forest drifted into the air.

“Did Leofric normally enjoy using perfume…?”

As I tried to recall, I felt something strange about his tone.

It was oddly familiar.

If my memory was correct, we had met only two or three times before marriage.

And even then, our conversations were very brief and simple.

Aside from a few matters to decide for the wedding, we had never properly talked or looked at each other face to face.

For someone like that to treat me this comfortably…

It really felt like we had known each other for at least a few years.

“Oh, the palace staff were busy decorating this room since morning.”

Leofric glanced around and sat beside me.

Seeing the room filled with decorations clearly made for a newlywed couple deeply in love, he chuckled softly.

“Do you like it, Amelia? The women said they like things like this, so I just let them decorate.”

He smiled with his eyes nearly closed and leaned toward me.

The closer he got, the stronger the scent.

No matter how I thought about it, this wasn’t the kind of fragrance he would use.

Rather, it seemed like something Lloyd — who charmed many women — would wear…

As I was recalling, Leofric’s hand suddenly appeared before me.

Before I could say anything, he softly placed his hand on my shoulder.

“…Your Highness?”

In my previous life, he and I always kept a suitable distance.

We didn’t share a bed or even a bedroom.

Holding hands only happened briefly in formal settings.

Why suddenly close this much?

The strong musk tickling my nose made me freeze on the spot without realizing it.

“Shh, it’s alright. It’s nothing.”

Leofric whispered softly right next to my ear.

The much stronger and heavier scent than Lloyd’s, and the low whispering voice, so close.

I didn’t know what to do and even stopped breathing.

Could it be that we’re about to spend our wedding night just like this…?

“Ah. It’s fine.”

At that moment.

When all my senses suddenly sharpened.

And when I was wondering if I should push him away.

Leofric said in a bright voice and stood up.

As he moved away, I unconsciously drew in a breath I had been holding.

Between the slightly widened space, what I saw was…

“Looks like it wasn’t properly cleaned up earlier, Amelia. You still have a pin in your hair.”

…It was the hairpin from the wedding ceremony.

A tiny pin I hadn’t even noticed was still stuck in my hair.

I stared at the tiny pin in his hand, still dazed, and then looked up at him.

And at that moment.

Ridiculously, I thought my breath had stopped.

The faint candlelight flickered over his slightly damp blonde hair, as if he’d just bathed.

His sharply cut jawline cast a deep shadow below.

His red eyes looking only at me seemed strangely moist.

The robe slightly parted over his still-wet neck…

“Amelia?”

“Ah.”

Oh my.

Remembering what I just did, I quickly turned my head away.

What was that?

I felt as if I’d been bewitched by something.

His gaze, the slightly damp form, the exposed skin—all left me completely dazed.

I had never been this foolish even when with Lloyd.

While I was confused by this sudden situation, he put the pin down and sat closer to me.

“Sorry if I surprised you. You don’t look well; are you alright?”

His voice brought me back to my senses.

Right. Now is not the time to be dazed.

I took a small deep breath and faced him.

“…I’m fine, Your Highness. The pin was so small, I didn’t even realize it was there.”

“I thought so. Since today was busy, you’re probably just tired.”

“Then shall we call it a night?”

Leofric smiled gently.

Unlike his usual smile that lifted only the corners of his mouth, today he closed his eyes and smiled warmly.

Really, so many strange things have happened today.

I fought the urge to have my gaze completely stolen by that smile and nodded.

“Yes, Your Highness. But before that, I’d like to talk a bit, if that’s alright?”

“If you’re not tired. Are you really alright?”

This time, he asked with a worried tone.

Though I was a little tired, I nodded, feeling it would be harder to talk later.

I straightened my posture and sat a bit away from him.

“I want to propose a contract to Your Highness.”

Taking a slow breath, I began.

“Anyway, we’re married and I swore to live for you, so I intend to help you as much as I can.”

I told him I would donate part of the profits from the Janet merchant guild I lead to the treasury.

A proposal to use all means necessary to strengthen the royal authority until he becomes emperor.

And I asked him not to question me more than three times about whatever I do.

The current emperor has only one child—Leofric.

It was natural that he would become emperor, but because of that, everyone was extremely watchful.

No faults could be allowed in the only crown prince.

Therefore, strengthening the royal authority was essential to eliminate unnecessary noise that might arise before or right after he ascended the throne.

It would be good if I also gained some appropriate benefits in the process.

This marriage was also part of the plan to strengthen the royal authority.

I intended to make the most of this opportunity.

But Leofric seemed to think differently.

“…We just got married, Amelia. Today is our wedding night.”

He answered with a somewhat dark face and sighed.

He didn’t seem pleased with my proposal or the timing.

But so what?

Isn’t this marriage a political one?

After all, we’re not people who are good to be together.

I tilted my head and said with eyes asking what difference it made.

“That only applies to love marriages, Your Highness. This marriage has a purpose.”

He made a somewhat bitter expression when I said it was necessary to be clear about the current situation.

He looked at my firm face for a moment, then opened his mouth with a resigned or determined look.

“If the Janet merchant guild’s profits go to the treasury, is there anything left for you?”

I thought he accepted my words and continued.

“Forty percent of Vermirian wealth comes from the Janet guild. Giving just ten percent won’t be a big blow. And it’s not a small amount for Your Highness, either.”

“Why must I not ask more than three times about what you do?”

“You might have heard from my father, but I’m quite perceptive. But I can’t always explain why I have the feeling.”

Being perceptive was convenient in many ways.

Because I didn’t have to explain many things I knew from my previous life.

“The more questions, the more my judgment gets clouded. That’s why I ask.”

Leofric carefully questioned my conditions.

I calmly answered.

It was a rather bleak conversation for a newlywed couple on their wedding night, but what does atmosphere matter in a marriage of conditions?

“Then, in exchange for you doing all that, do you expect anything from me?”

He asked cautiously.

It seemed like he expected something.

I looked at him and answered clearly.

“Simple. Five years from now, after you become emperor, please let me leave the palace.”

“…Is that your condition?”

Leofric made a strangled sound.

At the same time, his burning gaze pierced me.

Within that intense look swirled emotions hard to read.

Was he always this expressive?

“That’s exactly it, Your Highness. While strengthening the royal authority, we have to be mindful of others. But once you hold strong power, there’s no need to be cautious anymore.”

“So, there’s no reason for a married couple, who should be faithful to each other, to worry about others.”

“By then, if you want to take someone as a concubine, no one would say anything.”

And by then, even if I say I want a divorce, there will be no loss.

I swallowed the crucial part internally and spoke generally first.

“And I want to be free. To live freely, unbound anywhere.”

In my previous life, he gave me only as much attention as necessary.

I ran to meet Lloyd whenever I had time.

I’m sure it was an unhappy marriage for him, too.

Though now I was needed for my family name and wealth to strengthen the royal authority, the story would be different later.

When there was no need to be mindful of others, I hoped he could live a little happier.

Not as a wicked woman blinded by foolish love games who killed her husband, but beside a warm and loving woman like sunshine.

That last condition was for that.

“Concubine?”

His brows furrowed sharply.

Yes. Hearing this on the wedding night probably wasn’t pleasant.

At least his character was upright.

He might have felt this talk didn’t suit the occasion.

I calmly spoke again.

“I know that the path you must walk is too hard without someone you care for by your side.”

“…”

“Though most nobles enter political marriages, Your Highness will be able to maintain the royal authority even without such ties. So—”

Leofric looked at me straight.

With a bit of resentment, as if to ask what I meant.

But I already knew what to say.

“If you’re going to keep someone close, wouldn’t it be better to have someone you love?”

“…Amelia, we just got married today.”

“Yes, I know. But our marriage is a political one after all.”

“But, Amelia. Not everyone is like that.”

“Of course. But I know it’s hard to have as good a relationship as the current emperor and empress. So, if you have someone you care for, wait a little and after five years—”

“Don’t you like me?”

“Whether as concubine or empress…?”

My words stopped.

His face, which had twisted with frustration, relaxed and looked defeated.

I was listing what I prepared, but didn’t understand the interruption.

Leofric looked at me with drooping eyes again.

“I’ve heard you like working with the merchant guild. But isn’t that something you could do even beside me?”

“…”

“So I can’t help but think maybe I’m not up to your standards.”

“Standards? Your Highness, what do you mean…?”

“Just because it’s a political marriage doesn’t mean feelings don’t arise.”

“Huh?”

His gloomy eyes closed and slowly reopened.

A light more brilliant than the finest ruby filled his gaze.

At the same time, a clear longing too.

“I want you by my side, is that not allowed?”