BOAD 02

2. Willingly, I Offer My All

When I opened my eyes again, I was utterly shocked.

“Oh dear, my lady! You can’t be waking up now!”

“…Beatrice?”

Beatrice Moldina.

My maid who had died alongside me when our family was destroyed.

Despite having the grand name “Beatrice,” she insisted on being called “Betty,” saying it didn’t suit a maid.

She was the daughter of my wet nurse, my childhood companion, and followed me to the imperial palace when I married into the royal family.

And…

She died a miserable death, taking on all the blame to calm the public’s unrelenting anger.

Seeing her now, looking so busy and alive, I couldn’t help but think that God must be trying to awaken my conscience.

“I told you not to call me that name so many times—but no, there’s no time for this! My lady, we need to get you ready for your wedding!”

“…Ready for what?”

“Your wedding! Today’s the day you marry His Highness, the Crown Prince!”

“What?”

Was Betty’s loyalty not enough?

Now I have to face the husband I killed with my own hands?

I could feel the blood draining from my face.

I couldn’t respond and just gripped the blanket tightly.

If God truly intended to awaken me before taking my soul, then He was already more than halfway there.

Because the voice I heard in my final moments still echoed vividly in my mind:

‘Are you sure you won’t regret it?’

I regret it.

I regretted it more than anything.

I regretted it so much that I whispered an impossible prayer with my dying breath, begging for time to turn back.

But was that not enough?

“First, you need to get up, my lady. We need to get you washed.”

“I… I’ve gone mad, haven’t I, Betty? Hm? This must be a dream?”

“…Pardon, my lady? What are you talking about?”

“If it’s not… there’s no way today is our wedding day…”

Betty stood before me, too vivid to be a dream.

The maids bustling about were familiar faces who had served our family for years.

Were they here to confront me, for all they lost because of me?

“No matter how much you hate this marriage, there’s no avoiding it, my lady. The imperial palace has already prepared the wedding venue!”

Betty looked close to tears as she pulled me up.

She half-dragged me to the bathroom and began to bathe me.

Yellow tulips floated in the tub—dozens of them.

Dream or not, even here I had to witness Lloyd’s taste in full bloom.

This life, tailored perfectly to him, made me let out a bitter laugh.

God must really be playing tricks on me.

My whole body still ached as though the pain of death lingered.

And Lloyd’s face, looking down at me through blurry vision, was so real I could almost touch it.

If this wasn’t divine punishment or mercy, then what was it?

“Is the temperature alright?”

“…Yes.”

“Please don’t worry too much, my lady. I heard from the palace maids—His Highness is gentle and kind. They say he’ll treat you well.”

As Betty washed me and spoke, a strange sense of déjà vu overcame me.

“I heard from the palace maids, my lady. His Highness is gentle and kind. He’ll treat you well.”

Those exact words—Betty had said them to comfort me on my original wedding day.

At the time, my mind had been filled with thoughts of Lloyd, and I had barely listened.

But oddly, after Betty’s death, those words kept echoing in my head.

And now that I was hearing them again—I couldn’t ignore the possibility anymore.

The moment I thought I had died, I opened my eyes.

The maids rushed around, saying the same things.

I clenched my fist underwater and bit my lip.

“Betty, I have a question.”

“Yes, my lady?”

“If today is my wedding day… is it May 16th, Imperial Year 387?”

“Yes. Today is Imperial Year 387, May 16th… My lady, are you sure you’re alright?”

Betty looked concerned.

I nodded vaguely and let the maids do their work.

My mind was spinning with possibilities.

Had I truly come back to life?

No, more precisely… had time reversed?

My thoughts spiraled endlessly.

Only when I felt my head might explode did I force myself to stop thinking.

And once I did, oddly, everything felt calm.

Maybe this really was reality.

The tub full of yellow tulips.

Betty’s concerned voice.

The maids bustling about since early morning, and even the familiar wedding dress laid before me.

My chest felt like it had sunk into ice.

If this was truly reality.

If the scene before me was truly the bittersweet past, before I ruined everything—

Then I would willingly offer all of myself in repentance.

For the beloved family that fell because of me.

For my husband.

In the mirror, I saw my reflection—eyes full of firm resolve.

Leofric Baldini Reinhardt.

My husband in both my past and current life.

As Betty said, he was a gentle and kind man.

Before our marriage, I knew little about him.

Only that he was the Crown Prince of the empire, with striking red eyes like pure rubies.

A perfect man, hailed as a natural-born emperor.

Swordsmanship, governance, leadership—he lacked nothing.

Whenever the politically savvy nobles gathered, they would say they looked forward to the country he would build.

That was his public persona.

Flawless, calculating, a man who never tolerated mistakes.

And he was like that even as a husband.

Unlike Lloyd, who spoke to me like an old friend, Leofric treated me with impeccable manners, always keeping a respectful distance.

Polite to all, but never overstepping—he was the epitome of noble propriety.

He remained that way the entire time we lived together.

Because of that, I sometimes wondered if he had emotions at all.

So I believed he never expected anything from me either.

To me, he was just someone who temporarily took Lloyd’s place—a stepping stone to achieve Lloyd’s goals.

Lloyd, who never got a fair chance because his mother was royalty but his father wasn’t.

Lloyd, who was never even cared for by that mother.

I thought I was supporting him, the one who was warm and approachable, unlike the rigid Leofric.

If the late emperor had lived just a bit longer, maybe things would have been different.

There were rumors he promised Lloyd a rightful claim to the throne.

But there was no proof, no way to confirm it.

I remembered how I used to feel watching Lloyd despair.

I had wanted to help him, who couldn’t even attempt to fight for what he deserved.

I hadn’t known then that he was merely biding his time.

When I finally decided we had to eliminate my husband, Leofric, I didn’t feel any guilt.

Looking back, it was never an easy decision—yet I had made it without hesitation.

I hadn’t even expected it to work the first time, assuming he wouldn’t fully trust me.

But when he drank the poisoned tea I gave him and coughed up blood, the expression on Leofric’s face was something I could never have imagined.

“Are you sure you won’t regret this? Are you really okay with this?”

He asked me, again and again, voice growing fainter.

With trembling hands, he reached for me, eyes closing.

Even as he took his last breath, there was a faint smile on his lips that sent chills down my spine.

I still don’t know what that final gesture meant, but I will never forget that moment.

I could recall it any time I wished.

Even in my final moments of my past life, his voice was the last thing I remembered.

Why?

Why was it your voice, not Lloyd’s, that echoed in my final moment?

Why, when I thought I had lived only for him?

As I rode in the carriage with my father, I kept thinking about Leofric, whom I would soon meet.

My father glanced at me and cleared his throat.

He must have thought I was nervous because I sat silently deep in thought.

“Nervous?”

His voice held an unfamiliar warmth and awkwardness.

I shook my head lightly.

“Just a little tired.”

“Did you come home late again yesterday?”

He frowned in disapproval.

He had always distrusted Lloyd, saying he was too perfect to be genuine.

Careful not to anger me, he often warned me to stay away from Lloyd.

And rightly so—back then, I left the house every day just to see Lloyd.

Despite all the effort I’d poured into becoming the belle of high society.

It was childish arrogance, thinking nothing else mattered as long as I had him.

After the engagement to Leofric was set, I met Lloyd even more often.

Every time, my father sighed with worry.

He told me not to trust Lloyd too easily or share too much with him.

I knew my father meant well, but in my eyes, Lloyd had always seemed so lovely, so pitiable.

A tragic man, unable to betray his loyalty to Leofric despite his own unfair situation.

Or so I thought.

I hadn’t realized how calculating and meticulous he really was.

How he would use anything—and anyone—to climb higher.

I smiled faintly.

“I saw him for the last time. You won’t need to worry anymore, Father.”

“The last time? You’re saying you won’t see Viscount Alois again?”

“Yes. I’m getting married now. To no one less than the Crown Prince. I must behave appropriately.”

“…You…”

My father looked half in disbelief.

Seeing that expression made me realize just how obsessed I had been.

Even my busy father, who rarely had time for me, had noticed.

I felt bitter.

So dramatic about my “one true love,” only to be so easily betrayed.

I pulled my dress into place and sneered inwardly at my former self.

“Don’t worry, Father. I’ll do well.”

I smiled softly, reassuring him.

In this life, I would never again be swayed by foolish emotions.

No matter what, I would stop Lloyd and ensure Leofric safely ascended the throne.

And then, I would quietly leave the palace.

So I vowed silently, watching my father’s awkward smile.

In my past life, I hated everything my father did, thought all his words were nonsense.

I knew in my head that he tried to raise me without lacking anything after Mother’s death—but my heart never understood.

So I spent my days resenting his absence.

When he opposed my love, even threatened to disown me if I didn’t marry the Crown Prince—I thought he was the cruelest man in the world.

I remember crying and running to Lloyd.

What had he said back then?

“Still, I don’t want you to ruin your relationship with your father because of me.”