Chapter 43
As soon as he entered the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, eyes fell on him as if the outside world had followed him in. Louiyan looked around with an expressionless face. Some people lowered their heads in response to his gaze. …They’re getting increasingly persistent. Annoyance welled up, but he didn’t show it. Ignoring the stares aimed at him with effort, he entered his office. Sitting in his chair, he began reading through the day’s documents. The sound of the pages flipping was harsh. His crumpled brows revealed unhidden displeasure.
“Why on earth are they like this?”
Even someone as indifferent to others as Louiyan had become sensitive to the continuous stares over the past few days. Since the wedding, curious glances had existed, but never to this extent. He couldn’t figure out the reason, and it was frustrating. He suspected Jordan might be involved… but with no one willing to tell him, he had to go find out himself. What a hassle. He paused his rummaging through the papers and let out a sigh.
After a few minutes of this, a knock on the door made Louiyan speak. The man who entered had ordinary brown hair and wore glasses. Introducing himself as Aaron, he extended the documents he held under his arm. Louiyan frowned at the familiar handwriting. Raymond’s, of course. The stylish, careless script reflected his friend’s cheerful personality. After scanning through them and seeing they were important documents, Louiyan placed them in a drawer. Aaron gave a small smile, sensing Louiyan intended to examine them immediately after he left.
“These were given to you by Your Excellency.”
Louiyan raised his head at the words, delivered without any flourish. He had already received the documents. Aaron, rifling through his jacket, pulled something else out. The envelope, sealed with wax, seemed fairly luxurious. Judging from the Brangio Duke family crest, it was personal. After finishing his business, Aaron greeted him and opened the door. The gaze spilling through the crack made Louiyan uneasy.
With a thud, he closed the door and opened the envelope. He rarely used letters like this, calling them a waste of money. The handwriting inside was even more hurried than the documents, and Louiyan sighed. The tone was cheerful, with polite greetings that were clearly formalities. But as he read on to the main point, he stopped in his tracks. What began as a lighthearted note about recent palace gossip was not something to be read lightly.
“…Rumors.”
A throbbing pain indicated the onset of a headache. He recalled someone speaking in a calm voice during the gathering with Arwin. …I know the source of the rumor. Louiyan put down the letter.
The gossip circulating in the palace reached him quickly. Spread through the young ladies, it was padded with unnecessary details, yet sufficient to discern the Crown Prince’s intentions. He said he would handle things himself, but Louiyan didn’t expect him to move personally. No, there was no need for him to intervene in the first place. Even if there was wrongdoing, as Arwin had said, there was no reasonable cause for him to suddenly interfere. Jordan never did anything that exposed himself. The idea of a Crown Prince falling in love with an aide—ridiculous. Who would believe such nonsense?
“….”
Still, the effect was evident. Everywhere he went, other people’s eyes followed. Most were curious or puzzled, occasionally filled with disdain. Marilian experienced it even more intensely. It wasn’t that the Crown Prince was absent; no one spoke openly. The insulting words directed at Marilian would diminish her standing. Even if she remained in the shadows now, it was unclear when they would surface.
Yet he, she, and Jordan all remained silent. They did not deny the absurd rumors. It was blatant mockery, a clear insult to the nobility. They would not remain passive. Though she was the daughter of a duke, her father had many enemies. Louiyan himself was not much different, but he could not be compared to Marilian. Even if he held a title, his only official position was as the Crown Prince’s aide. The duke, upset that his daughter fell in love with a minor provincial noble, had removed her from the line of succession.
[Though the intentions may have been impure, I believe it was sincere. I think you were the same as me.]
It was sincere. Pleasant. Comfortable. Wasn’t that enough? Yet the red-haired woman shook her head. Jordan, unpredictable as ever, would not have spread rumors without her consent. A clear conclusion. Marilian had wanted that.
Louiyan, staring out the window, stood up. Leaving the office, he boarded the carriage to return to the mansion. Fatigue swept over him. He closed his eyes. Looking back, it was all in the past. Even if the Crown Prince changed his mind, the outcome would remain the same. Louiyan would hesitate, but unlike him, the red-haired woman would not.
“….”
The beating of his heart was irritating. Opening his eyes, he was engulfed in silence. Louiyan chuckled softly at the stillness.
Pale blue hair fluttered in the wind. A child, squinting at the sunlight, approached and hugged him. Teasing her for not being obedient, Louiyan saw her face flush. Complaints and teasing flew as her hands moved quickly, making him smile. Her words struck his heart. Soon, he thought, you will shout the same words at me, hands trembling with fierce anger. His smile would twist, tears might gather in his eyes. Or perhaps she would remain expressionless and silent.
“….”
The fast-moving hands froze. Louiyan reached out as the child ran across the garden. There stood Isilia. Folding her hands, she watched mother and daughter. His stomach fluttered, but not severely. Isilia sent the child back, remaining outside instead of entering the mansion. …Is she watching El? Louiyan knelt. The child smiled at their eyes meeting.
The chaos in his mind suddenly stilled. Like the calm before a storm, a foggy haze left him feeling uneasy. The deeper he thought, the clearer the emotions he had long felt vaguely became. He was afraid. He could not ignore it. Even deciding this gave him a headache. He did not want to think. Could not ignore it. His mind, used to giving orders, was blank. Repetition continued. Whispers around him only added to his disarray. Too weary to respond, Louiyan remained silent unless matters were urgent. —Hence, such rumors probably spread.
“You’ve been sick recently, haven’t you?”
Louiyan nodded at the question, asked while sipping tea. Words spread by people fond of talking, and he was too tired to clarify. The Crown Prince must know it’s false. The reason for mentioning it was either to tease him or to speak incomprehensibly. Jordan’s eyes narrowed slightly at his nod, as if surprised. Louiyan frowned at the overly intense gaze.
“Is that so? Then it can’t be helped. You should go back early today.”
“…Pardon?”
“You’re sick, after all. I’ll send a carriage. Better to return to the mansion and rest.”
Seeing the Crown Prince’s genuinely concerned face offering a carriage, Louiyan closed his mouth. Even knowing it was false, accepting it meant there was some hidden motive. He didn’t know what it was. Too many doubts lingered to simply take the Crown Prince’s kindness at face value. Jordan smiled at his hesitation.
“No need to treat people harshly. You look pale. I’ll notify the Ministry separately.”
“…I’m fine. Thank you, but…”
“Very well, so be it.”
“….”
The conversation went nowhere. After the subsequent order, Louiyan rose. The Crown Prince was not someone who gave favor without purpose. Though he said it was fine, it was unreliable. Walking down the corridor, Louiyan returned to the Ministry. Just in case, he took less important documents with him. He didn’t remember the last time he had returned to the mansion this early.
The children might be home. Since it was early afternoon, Isilia probably was too. He had heard from the butler that his wife had been attending social events with Inderic lately. The rumor had spread from the palace to the social circles. She must know, too—about his and Marilian’s matters. …What is she thinking? The conversation in the garden with Marilian came to mind.
Come to think of it, he had never seen his wife angry. She had looked at him with hurt eyes, but there had been no resentment. …Why? His actions toward Isilia were not forgivable. Not things to do to someone who loved him.
Without rejecting or responding, she still gave him affection. She acted naturally, as if it were a matter of course. So shamelessly, yet without complaint—rather, smiling as if pleased. He couldn’t understand it. If it were him, he might have felt deceived and enraged. He would have waited for her to return his affection, and eventually, frustrated by unreturned love, he would have given up. He would have discarded the emotions that hurt himself long ago. Many around him wanted him anyway.
“….”
Isilia’s playful actions, which once shook the capital, could now be laughed off as childishness. In his eyes, she was no longer the thoughtless, mischievous child acting on whim. Every gesture, every glance carried grace, and even her words were careful. She could have surrounded herself with those who desired her. But she did not. “You, who said you were unhappy, love me,” she said. Watching her, still speaking of love only for him, Louiyan could not comprehend it. Is this what you call love?
“….”
His head throbbed. Thinking about the incomprehensible made it worse. Initially, this was not for him to judge. If she thought so, then so be it. Then what of him? Breathless, it hurt to see her. Guilt? Not only that. Something more. Yet it was difficult to define or express. He wanted to spit out the turmoil in his chest, but words wouldn’t come. This was all he could discern. Absurd. Absolutely absurd.
“Foolish.”
Even saying it felt like a waste. “Foolish” was too mild. Something more fitting… A word suddenly came to mind, and he laughed. Yes, there was a word that suited him. Louiyan shifted his gaze from the window. The mansion was near.
