DD 30

Chapter 30

“It’s all right. Your expression hasn’t changed at all. You simply looked grave, so I was worried.”

There were times when Louiyan had no idea what Marillian was thinking when she spoke to him. Only moments ago she had been anxious, yet now she faced him with confidence. …She had said something similar when he pushed his work onto the crown prince, hadn’t she? Something about him seeming to be in a good mood. To be honest, he’d been surprised. He was certain he had stared at her with a flustered expression at the time.

She called his face expressionless, yet somehow she always sensed when he was pleased or upset. She said it so casually, as though it were obvious, even though one wouldn’t notice unless they looked closely. For a moment he wondered if she might be interested in him, but quickly dismissed the thought. Why would she? She was a woman who had lost her lover. What was he thinking? He must have been giving himself far too much credit.

Remembering his own foolishness, Louiyan gave an awkward smile to the amber eyes fixed on him. He had thought she resembled Iselia in many ways, but after growing closer, he realized that wasn’t true. Yes, they were alike—but also different. …Well, they were completely different people to begin with, so of course they’d differ. ─Now I’m just rambling nonsense. As he let out a helpless laugh, Marillian frowned slightly. Had she even read his thoughts? Louiyan hid his smile and looked at her.

“What is it?”

“The outward appearance is nearly identical… I suppose this is when people say they ‘somehow understand.’”

“Pardon?”

“You’re not quite what you look like….”

Her unfinished words faded. Her amber eyes narrowed. Marillian’s cryptic remark left Louiyan confused. Was she mocking him? Unsure how to react, he remained silent. She shook her head.

“There’s no particular meaning behind it.”

“…….”

“I was simply surprised to realize you are different from him.”

“…I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I mean… I was mistaken. I spoke out of turn. I apologize.”

He had no idea what she was talking about. Louiyan lowered his gaze. His red hair rippled in the wind.

“…It’s fine.”

When he said it out of courtesy, Marillian smiled. Her once-shaken eyes steadied, and she looked at him again. The sudden shift left him unsettled, and he grew uncomfortable being around her. It was hard to guess the intentions of someone whose actions he could not understand.

“…You look puzzled.”

“…What?”

“You’re staring at me like that, Louiyan.”

Troubling. But her light remark did not irritate him. Or maybe it did. Or maybe it reminded him of when Iselia used to follow him around. …He wasn’t sure.

“I enjoyed today. From now on, I suppose I’ll only see you if His Highness calls.”

With a playful tone, Marillian waved. The childlike gesture made him laugh. And unlike the polite smiles he had shown her before, this one was genuine—born from true fondness. Marillian froze. She stared at him with wide eyes, and he quickly hid his smile. Even after time passed, she still didn’t head toward the crown prince. Strange.

The gaze that had been on his face drifted down to his hand. …Was he supposed to wave back? Perhaps so. Under her expectant stare, he hesitated, then raised his hand just as she had done. He hadn’t made such a gesture since he was very young. It felt painfully awkward. Marillian laughed.

“Well then, see you next time.”

Her voice, tinged with laughter, faded as the red figure walked away. She headed toward the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, opposite from the crown prince’s palace. He planned to sort tomorrow’s paperwork before returning home. After leaving the ministry and boarding the carriage for Endrianz, Louiyan turned to take one last look at the splendid palace. The childish wave lingered in his mind.

Even after leaving the castle and returning home, Louiyan’s expression didn’t ease. Only the butler, who had served the stoic master for many years, approached naturally and took his coat. Watching him, Louiyan spoke.

“Where is she?”

“The lady has not yet returned from House Agnes.”

“I see.”

So she hadn’t. The butler bowed and followed behind him. Louiyan sat in a chair, and fatigue crashed over him. He considered taking a nap, but the sky was stained red—too late for a nap, too early for sleep. If he drifted off, he might not wake to greet Iselia. A heavy sigh escaped him. To kill time, he pulled a book from the shelf. It was quite interesting, and he soon became engrossed. After some time, someone knocked on the door. His good mood shattered, Louiyan set the book down and looked toward the closed door.

No answer came when he asked who it was. Yet the knocking continued. What on earth… ah. His frown softened into realization. A silent knock like that must be El. Because she returned at unpredictable hours, he rarely saw the children. No wonder she had forgotten such things. Louiyan was always careful with El.

Normally, he would have simply opened the door… Had she been hurt by his delay? Iselia said El was mature, but he disagreed. Their daughter was far more fragile and soft-hearted than she appeared.

“…….”

As expected, when he opened the door, he saw pale blue hair. El stood with her little fist still raised to knock, looking up at him. Louiyan smiled. Her golden eyes widened in surprise. He lifted her into his arms, charmed. He didn’t ask why she had come. He waited until El spoke on her own. He set her on a cushioned seat and returned the book to the shelf.

Watching his movements, the child smiled. Her golden eyes curved adorably, and Louiyan smiled with her. El resembled him and her mother completely. It was almost too precious—and painful. Perhaps he’d poured into his daughter the affection he had never shown his wife. He ought to face the current Iselia… but it wasn’t easy. Instead, he kept stepping back.

“…….”

Louiyan fell silent. El raised her hands to speak. She told him she had missed him—pure and sweet. He answered that he had missed her too, smiling gently, then glanced out the window. The sky, once red, had turned a deep violet. It was time for Iselia to return. Remembering how chilly spring nights could be, he draped a warm coat over his arm.

El’s eyes lit up. She must have realized he was going to greet her mother and asked if she could come too, but he shook his head. She’d catch a cold. With a disappointed face, El returned to her room. He headed downstairs. When Iselia returned, she always sought the children first—El’s little sulk would vanish the moment she received her mother’s embrace. Imagining it brought a smile to his lips.

Shaking off the warmth of the imagined scene, he went down the stairs. A carriage marked with the family crest approached. The door opened, revealing golden hair, and Louiyan offered his hand. Iselia stepped down, smiling. “I’m back,” she said gently, and he nodded.

“It’s cold, my lady.”

“I’m fine.”

“You visited the count’s house?”

“Today is….”

It was her mother’s memorial day. Though he already knew, the question slipped out, and she fell silent. Around this time, she often became absentminded. Louiyan waited quietly until some life returned to her eyes. Her gaze, once vacant, turned to him and curved softly.

“No, it’s nothing. I was just lost in thought. But you’re home early today.”

“…My work finished sooner than expected.”

“I see.”

“Let’s go inside,” she said with a smile. It wasn’t as warm or affectionate as the scene he had imagined, but it wasn’t bad either. Louiyan nodded and draped the coat over her shoulders. He couldn’t look away from her golden eyes, gently narrowing as they met his.

—

Whatever mistake he’d made, he must have displeased Jordan. His workload had suddenly doubled, leaving him overwhelmed. Even so, when the crown prince summoned him, he hurried to the office. Life became so busy that he seldom slept at home. He’d return at dawn, grab a short rest, and head back to the palace. On days he happened to cross paths with Iselia, he felt both physically and emotionally drained.

She still pulled his gaze toward her, yet at the same time suffocated him. Iselia made him uneasy. The only relief was that the heavy, unpleasant pressure he felt around her had lessened. Something pressed down on him—something he could not identify. The more he tried to think about it, the heavier the weight became.

No—he knew. But he was afraid to acknowledge it. Because once he did, he felt he would no longer be able to face Iselia at all. He feared the cycle of hurting and being hurt would continue endlessly.

“…Louiyan?”

“A pleasant morning. Is His Highness inside?”

She nodded with a bright smile. Louiyan smiled back. Amid his suffocating routine, a small change had arrived. For some reason, he felt increasingly at ease around Marillian. Just seeing her face lifted his spirits.

The heaviness he felt around Iselia vanished when he was with her. It didn’t last long—but it was still a relief. It let him breathe. For Louiyan, who could no longer find comfort even in his own home, his meetings with Marillian had become a small joy.

“I was going to find you—this is perfect.”

“Has something happened?”