TIRS 73

CHAPTER 73……………….

 Or… Love?

“Are you mad?”

When I recalled Ancelot’s urgent voice as he grabbed hold of me, I couldn’t help but scoff.

“He said it was someone who’s ‘no longer here.’ He spoke in such a wistful tone that I thought she was a dead lover or something.”

After sending Piya out, I was left alone in the room.

“And yet, was that woman really the lover from your past you couldn’t forget?”

The words ‘someone who’s no longer here’ might not have meant death, but something else entirely.

Come to think of it—if your lover went off to war, only to return and find her married to your nephew… calling her ‘no longer here’ wasn’t strange at all.

Perhaps even his claim of not remembering her was just a way of hypnotizing himself.

Because even in the fog, he cried for her—unable to forget her, still loving her all along.

“Then you shouldn’t have confused people! I didn’t know anything, and I…!”

Words I couldn’t bring myself to say in front of Ancelot spilled out now, as I punched the white pillow over and over.

When I first learned that Ancelot had once had a lover, I felt bitter.

When he couldn’t answer whether he’d stay with me after this journey was over, I felt hurt.

But just now—what I felt was something far stronger than bitterness or hurt. It was betrayal.

The man who had kissed me only the day before was, just a short while ago, reminiscing with his old lover in a hidden garden behind the palace.

“What? You never forgot those memories? You kept them precious? Something about a handkerchief or whatever?”

When I remembered Arbella’s tender voice whispering to Ancelot, flames shot up in my chest.

“If you knew you were in no position to be with him anymore, then why show up to stir everything up! How dare you do that with your late husband’s uncle!”

I let out my fury at Arbella—the woman who had gazed at Ancelot with moist eyes—even though it could never reach her.

At this rate, I was no different from Helena Azeline, who could never vent her frustrations at the Crown Prince of Enzer and instead lashed out at me.

“And you, Ancelot! Why didn’t you just ignore her instead of listening to that nonsense? You’re usually so harsh anyway.”

As I grumbled angrily, I suddenly realized—he had no reason to ignore her.

According to Helena, Ancelot and Arbella had once been inseparable lovers.

But because of Prince Arno’s vile deeds, they had been forced apart…

So in a way, Arbella was also a victim.

“…Right. You’re right. I’m the ridiculous one for being angry.”

Perhaps at that moment, I was the one interfering with their fated reunion.

The truth was, Ancelot…

Even in the fog, he attacked us—attacked me—just to protect her. That’s how deeply he still loved her.

“…”

Realizing that made my mouth taste bitter.

Throb—

A dull ache spread across my chest.

He had never once let it show, so I had no idea.

That his old lover would be here, in Luenhart.

When he kissed me… what could he have been thinking?

“Forget it. That kiss never needed to mean anything in the first place.”

I tried to convince myself of that, to calm the storm inside me.

But still…

“If it was just for the quest, then why was your kiss so tender? Why didn’t you stop even after the quest notification rang? Why did you confuse me like that?”

One question after another tumbled out endlessly in my mind.

“Because you did that, I misunderstood. I thought maybe you…”

But I was too much of a coward to go ask him directly. Instead, I sat alone, replaying those moments over and over.

What if I asked, and the answer wasn’t what I hoped?

‘You know, Your Highness. It was just for the quest. Wasn’t it the same for you?’

If Ancelot looked at me blankly and said that, I knew my chest would ache unbearably.

I must really be losing my mind.

Why else would I feel this way? As if I… actually liked Ancelot.

I buried my face deep into the pillow.

By the time the white pillow had grown damp, I sensed someone nearby and lifted my head.

There was Elay, staring straight at me.

“Eek! Elay?”

My goodness, how did he get in here?

I blinked toward the doorknob, but it was still firmly locked.

“Lulu. You’re not feeling well?”

“N-no.”

“Is it because of Ancelot? If you want, I can get rid of—”

Elay suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

But I easily guessed the words he had cut off.

‘You were about to say you’d kill Ancelot again.’

He must have remembered that I told him last time, ‘You mustn’t do that,’ and held back.

How thoughtful of him.

“…I can’t get rid of him for you, but I can keep you company instead.”

“It’s okay, Elay.”

I chuckled softly, patting his hair.

“I’m embarrassed, letting you see me like this.”

Elay reached out and brushed the corner of my eyes.

“Don’t cry, Lulu.”

His gentle words lightened my mood a little. I smiled.

“Thank you.”

“If you’re upset, you can tell me. I’ll listen to everything, Lulu.”

Elay, speaking such a long sentence—he must have learned a lot more while we’ve been in Luenhart.

“Even just the thought means a lot to me.”

“Why don’t you rely on me?”

Elay tilted his head as he asked.

“Is it because I look like this?”

He glanced down at his own body, murmuring something I didn’t quite understand.

“Huh?”

Before I could figure it out—

Ssshh—

Elay’s hair and body began to grow.

I widened my eyes in shock.

“E-Elay…?”

In the blink of an eye, Elay had taken the form of a grown man.

My goodness—an adult Elay!

In the original Light, Shadow, Fate, Elay was never shown grown-up, not even by the final chapter.

Only in a brief side story was he mentioned in an adult form.

And now—I was seeing this rare sight that never appeared in the original.

“Lulu.”

From between his lips came a deep, low voice—the voice of a man.

So different from the cute tone I’d always known, that I was startled back to my senses.

Only then did I realize he had me pinned between himself and the bed.

W-when did we end up in such a compromising position?!

Flustered by the closeness, I instinctively tried to push him away with both hands, but…

Huh?

His broad chest didn’t budge an inch.

Taller than me now, Elay gazed down at me intently.

Only then did it hit me—he wasn’t the small, childish figure I’d grown used to. He was far larger, exuding a mature aura as a grown man.

Of course, given the countless years he had lived, it made sense. But since I had only ever seen his smaller form, I’d overlooked it.

The imposing presence of the adult before me, combined with the too-close distance, filled the air with a strange tension.

“You’re too close, Elay.”

Embarrassed, I flushed bright red as I spoke.

“Do you dislike being close?”

He tilted his head slightly as he asked.

“Everyone has personal space. It feels uncomfortable if it’s invaded.”

“When we first met, you hugged me without hesitation.”

“T-that’s because you were a child back then…!”

“…Ah.”

At that, Elay let out a small sound and leaned back.

“So with this form, I can’t invade your space.”

His gaze lowered slowly.

Then, gripping my wrist, he pressed his thumb against it.

“Is that why it’s racing like this? Fear? Terror? Or tension?”

The way he asked, as though he were feeling my pulse, left me staring at him blankly.

“Elay…?”

And then, with a languid smile, he whispered in a soft, deep voice:

“Or… is it love?”

Ancelot muttered with a pale face.

“What the hell is wrong with that crazy woman.”

The ‘crazy woman’ he meant was none other than Arbella.

She had suddenly rushed up to him, tears dripping as she poured out words he couldn’t even understand, in a wistful voice.

Apparently, ‘this body’ had once known her in the past.

“What a nuisance.”

Ancelot frowned and gave his short assessment of Arbella.

At least while in Luenhart, he couldn’t entirely ignore her, so he had listened for a bit… only to earn Ruihbel’s anger.

After giving the Crown Prince of Enzer’s attendant her acceptance of his date proposal, Ruihbel had locked herself away in her room.

Thinking of Ruihbel, lips pressed tight in anger, a dull ache spread in Ancelot’s chest.

Ever since that kiss last night, he’d had to get used to the constant ache in his heart.

Whenever he thought of Ruihbel, she was so beautiful it hurt. So lovable it hurt. And sometimes, inexplicably, it hurt from sorrow.

At some point, his heart had begun reacting only to Ruihbel.

When she smiled, it was like a ticklish breeze. When she turned away, it was a sharp sting.

It felt as though she had stolen his entire heart.

Wasn’t this too much to feel for a woman he was simply curious about, someone he wanted to know more?

Especially since his heart already belonged to someone else, long ago.

“…What do I do now.”

Ancelot gave a bitter laugh.

“I think… I like Her Highness.”

His slow words were carried away by the night wind.

The feelings he hadn’t been able to name all night finally found their answer when he faced Ruihbel again just now.

But for someone like him, already bound to a doomed end, this was a love that could never bring happiness.

Whenever he remembered the woman who had left him long ago, he knew this was a feeling he must never hold onto.

It was something he had to cut off and turn away from before it grew larger.

“What a foolish luxury.”

Ancelot’s crimson eyes sank into a heavy gloom, as he forced himself to ignore what he felt.